KRPA: Kiss Rich People’s Asses

Kiss Rich People’s Asses

Members of the newly organized KRPA group convened in Washington DC and announced plans to run a candidate for president.

“We need to get rid of the socialist Obama. All he’s good for is kissing Israeli ass but we stand for the unappreciated minority that is responsible for creating jobs and making America the great nation it is; rich people are what we are all about and we intend to publicly, passionately kiss their asses, in gratitude for what they do for us!”

Senators, representatives, Fox TV hosts, mainstream pundits and Ayn Rand supporters were thrilled at news of the group’s formation and plans. “At last, a clear sign that the middle class peasants of America finally understand the real nature of things” said P. Clyde Van White, chair of WASMBTYTYWUTEIWTTETTY (We Are So Much Better Than You That You Wouldn’t Understand Things Even If We Tried To Explain Them To You), the organization formed after NMLB (No Millionaire Left Behind) filed for bankruptcy.

A White House spokesperson said the KRPA group would offer no real problems to the Obama reelection campaign. “ We have far more rich people than these scruffy types could ever come up with. And ours are multicultural!

Grateful for Invasion by Integrated Military

 Citizens of the tiny middle eastern nation of Exploitistan were attacked by forces from the USA and despite sustaining horrendous loss of life and property, many said they were happy to be invaded. 

A man who lost his entire family under a week long bombing assault before the invasion told embedded media workers he was greatly hurt by the loss of his loved ones but the fact that a totally integrated American force of gays, lesbians, blacks, whites, Hispanics, Asians and gypsies were among the invaders made him hopeful and grateful that his loved ones may not have died in vain.

“I was so happy to see” he said though an interpreter “ that my gay brothers and sisters were among the killers of my people and were wearing such stylish uniforms. We’ve never been invaded by an army with such fashion taste . It really helped me to get over the fact that my wife and daughter had their heads blown off  by a woman soldier named Dutch and that my son was raped and murdered by men wearing ear rings and costume jewelry , when I could see the equality of this force of killers and rapists implied a greater day for the world, some time in the future when we will all be as free as these Americans.”

We asked, and they told ...

Equality At Last! We're All Rich! Yay Obama!

all the news that fits they print: from the NYTIMES

Published: September 17, 2011

"WASHINGTON — President Obama on Monday will call for a new minimum tax rate for individuals making more than $1 million a year to ensure that they pay at least the same percentage of their earnings as middle-income taxpayers, according to administration officials."

Is this guy the greatest prez since Herbert Hoover or what? Finally, we have a regressive tax system that doesn't even fake being progressive. A multi billionaire will be forced to pay at the same tax rate as someone who makes fifty thousand a year.

The brutha don't be takin' no bullshit! 

STOP CALLING UNDOCUMENTED PHARMACISTS "ILLEGAL DRUG DEALERS"

A group of dealers in medication for people unable to afford to see doctors in order to get  prescriptions for their mental medical needs has formed in order to fight the defamation of their class of public servants.

A spokesperson for the group said "Not everyone can afford health insurance that pays for seeing a shrink to get a prescription for happy pills or anti-depressants or motivational drugs or all the other help so many Americans need in order to get through the day. We Undocumented Pharmacists perform a vital service that benefits all of society and we resent being called illegal drug dealers just because we operate outside the stupid drug laws."

Many people who rely on these U.P.s have formed a support group and are working to get media and political officials to stop using hate language and derigatory words like "illegal" when referring to a large and growing segment of the American population.

"With the economy in the state it is in, we're seeing more people in need of medical mental help and having less money to get it, with more of us forced into the dangerous profession of supplying it to them and risking prison, jail and being called all sorts of nasty names that hurt our families, our culture, our heritage and like that " said a newly certificated Undocumented Pharmacist who would not give his name for fear that his relatives back home  might be attacked by bigots and police departments.

The group hopes to purge the language of words like" illegal" which make things seem, well, like not observing the law.

"We may operate slightly outside the legal system but what's wrong with that? We're engaged in profit making enterprise and our work is far more dangerous than what most profiteers do, so why pick on us when we are just hardworking people?"

Both groups plan a, um,  joint march on Washington to raise awareness of the need for undocumented pharmacists and the further need to end ugly defamation of their character by calling them "illegal drug dealers".

SEEING RIPPLE IN JEWISH VOTE (OMG!OMG!OMG!)

September 14, 2011
Seeing Ripple in Jewish Vote


WASHINGTON — Not since Jimmy Carter in 1980 has a Democrat running for president failed to win a lopsided majority of the Jewish vote. This has been true during times of peace or war, and even when there has been deep acrimony between the White House and the Israeli government.

Republicans see a chance to change that in 2012, with President Obama locked in a tense relationship with Israel’s leaders and criticized by many American Jews as being too tough on a close and favored ally. Tuesday’s Republican upset in New York’s Congressional election, they say, is a sign of bad things to come for Mr. Obama.

Sensing trouble, the Obama campaign and Democratic Party leaders have mobilized to solidify the president’s standing with Jewish voters. The Democratic National Committee has established a Jewish outreach program. The campaign is singling out Jewish groups, donors and other supporters with calls and e-mails to counter the Republican narrative that Mr. Obama is hostile to Israel.

Among those efforts is a multi-page set of talking points circulated last Friday with the title, “President Obama’s Stance on Israel: Myths vs. Facts.” David Axelrod, a close Obama adviser, has sent e-mails to Jewish voters, pointing them to a speech by the Israeli defense minister, Ehud Barak, praising Mr. Obama and saying he had deepened the military cooperation between the United States and Israel.

And the White House is drawing attention to recent expressions of gratitude from Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and other Israelis after Mr. Obama intervened last Friday to help prevent violence after a mob attacked the Israeli Embassy in Cairo, threatening the Israeli diplomats inside.


Legalienate's sources in the White House* say if this Democratic party scheme doesn't work the fall back plan is to have Obama go down on Netanyahu during the half time show at the 2012 Super Bowl...

*no, not Deep Throat...

Nothing Will Ever Be The Same?

   America survived the tenth anniversary of 911 with heartfelt reminiscence of a shocking loss accompanied by the usual propaganda about what the terrorist attack  allegedly meant which worked to obscure what it actually brought about:

   A program of endless war, destruction of nations, loss of life far beyond that day’s tragedy and a political economic dementia that threatens to consume humanity in its madness.

   The mass murdering over-reaction to a murderous criminal attack has been used to bring about what the terrorists of 911 wanted; an over extension of the empire in costly wars that would ultimately sap its strength. But the fundamentalist attackers were minor in their impact compared to the fundamentalist rulers of corporate capital and Zion. They have sent the nation and much of the world spiraling into wars and a debt crisis that threatens further international calamities worse than any conceived by terrorists.

   The past ten years of trillion dollar warfare  has seen the slaughter of more than twice the number of Americans who died on 911 but more than three hundred times the number of foreigners, almost none of them even remotely related to the events of that day. Devastated nations, massive death tolls and millions of refugees among people who never did anything to harm America are beginning to impact in ever more dangerous ways. In the words of Malcolm X, the chickens  are indeed coming home to roost.

   As a direct result of paying for homicidal madness, the economic inequality gap among Americans and other citizens in the west is growing at a faster pace than ever. Recent figures show that more than 15%  of Americans - 46 million people - are living in poverty. There are more poor people with less money than ever before as upper income groups greatly expand their wealth while actually decreasing in number. We are becoming a nation of a few billionaires, quite a few millionaires,  more members of an upper middle class, and a shrinking group formerly called the middle class which is actually a fast growing majority of working and poor people who once had jobs and security but are rapidly losing both. This is inherent in the system  of private profit at public loss no matter how many speeches a president makes or how little they mean, and the path of global capital would be the same with or without the events of 911. But that system has grown much worse since then and Osama bin Laden would be happy to see things going exactly as he wished.

   The 911 terrorists were driven by hatred of American power for its support of  tyrants in the Arab world, and especially for its treatment of the Palestinian people. That has been almost unmentioned in all the hypocritical bigotry around 911 and we suffer to this moment from the control of American politics by fundamentalists of capital and their joined-at-the-wallet Zionist compatriots. Their zealous protection of the apartheid Israeli Jewish state, against all logic and morality, is under new stress including an attempt to give Palestine a seat at the U.N.

   While that body’s Security Council is a relic of the western dominated past, its General Assembly may offer some hope for the future. But whatever the short term brings, a vetoed attempt to realize the morally bankrupt two state solution will make it more possible for a long term one state democracy of all the people of Palestine. Fanatics who see a pogrom or holocaust in such a democratic outcome are too crazed to notice that a less than four percent Jewish population has led to enormous Jewish/Zionist power in America and Europe, even without support from many Jews in those places. How can they possibly think that a Jewish majority in Palestine, or even a “minority” of forty percent -  with financial and business control - can suddenly vanish in some fabled overnight slaughter? But whatever the ridiculous old nightmares may portend, the newer dreams of democracy will be realized or there may be no homeland for anyone at all in Palestine. Or many other places as well.

   The present attempted destruction of Libya is a last gasp effort by the west to stifle the emerging movements toward democracy by retaking overt control of Africa . This euro-controlled attempt at recolonization has killed thousands already and caused another sectarian un-civil war, with a puppet regime of “rebels” composed of groups having no more in common than opposing the former regime. But while the Libyan people will suffer more pain, in the long run the western powers, whether masked as NATO – financed almost totally by the USA – or being forced to bring in U.S. troops in a final death wish, will further weaken the empire.

   Along with the material poverty that grows as private banking and minority wealth attempt to grasp even more power, there is a poverty of spirit at the core of a crumbling western system of public domination that benefits minorities at the ultimate cost of most of civilization and the natural environment itself.

   The economics of  seemingly endless recession, the politics of  seemingly endless colonial wars and the anti-democratic rule of minorities are actually nearing an end. Whether humanity can bring about a democratic solution to our problems through organization that crosses national, ethnic and religious lines is a question not for the future but for this moment. If the global democratic urge doesn’t continue and succeed soon, there may not be much of a future for anyone, including those currently feasting on the profits of waste and warfare.

911: Imperial Self-Pity vs. Democratic Self-Criticism

For the friends and family of 911 victims there can be no overcoming the horrendous destruction of that tragic day. Loved ones whose lives were brutally cut short by the attacks can never be forgotten, and the pain evoked by remembering them can never completely subside. Thus, it is entirely appropriate that the victims gather annually to share their love and grief with the world.

But the outpouring of national self-pity delivered by the U.S. corporate media can and must be overcome, for this is but a display of imperial self-justification that promises us only endless war and perpetual economic decline. Consider the following editorial in the Atlantic Monthly, a publication considerably less overtly nationalistic than the average news magazine in the U.S.:

The Atlantic Home
Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Meaning of 9/11
By Jeffrey Goldberg

What we saw on the morning of September 11, 2001 was evil made manifest. The terrorists who attacked the World Trade Center and the Pentagon (and tried to destroy the Capitol) claim to have been motivated by a theology of restoration -- a dream of restoring Islam to a position of global supremacy -- and by the politics of grievance. But something deeper undergirds these impulses: A compulsive need to murder one's way to glory. The stated goals of al Qaeda are flimsy excuses, meant to cover-up this ineluctable fact. The souls of men like Muhammad Atta and Khalid Sheikh Muhammad and Osama bin Laden are devoid of anything but hate, and murder is what erupted from these voids.

9-11 Ten Years LaterLet us stay on the subject of murder, because murder is the meaning of 9/11. Westerners are gifted in the art of slashing self-criticism, and so much of our discussion about 9/11 in the intervening years has centered on our failures -- real failures of intelligence and imagination that allowed the attacks to happen; presumed failures of foreign policy that gained al Qaeda sympathy among some Muslims; and failures in our response to radical jihadism, whether in Afghanistan, Iraq, or Guantanamo Bay, that are generally, though not universally, understood to have set us back in the war to defeat al Qaeda and its tyrannical and medieval ideology.

Self-criticism is necessary, even indispensable, for democracy to work. But this decade-long drama began with the unprovoked murder of 3,000 people, simply because they were American, or happened to be located in proximity to Americans. It is important to get our categories straight: The profound moral failures of the age of 9/11 belong to the murderers of al Qaeda, and those (especially in certain corners of the Muslim clerisy, along with a handful of bien-pensant Western intellectuals) who abet them, and excuse their actions. The mistakes we made were sometimes terrible (and sometimes, as at Abu Ghraib and in the CIA's torture rooms, criminal) but they came about in reaction to a crime without precedent.

Legalienate Responds:

The 911 attacks were massively destructive but can we honestly call them "unprovoked," as Goldberg does? According to Al Qaeda they were retaliatory strikes for longstanding U.S. crimes against Arab and Muslim countries, crimes which have only accelerated since 911. If it was wrong for Al Qaeda to kill 3000 civilians on 911, why was it right for the U.S. to kill thousands of Arab and Muslim civilians with its foreign policy in the decades leading up to 911? Consider U.S. support for Israel torturing and murdering Palestinians since 1948, the destruction of Iranian democracy and the imposition of the Shah's dictatorship from 1953 to 1979, Israel's invasion and demolition of Lebanon in 1982 on a surge of U.S. arms shipments, the slaughter of 200,000 Iraqis in the 1991 "turkey shoot" called Desert Storm, and the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians subsequently killed by U.S. economic blockade. The list can go on and on, but can we really believe that such policies are somehow not evil and don't invite retaliation? No, we cannot.

Is murder the meaning of 911, as Goldberg claims? Al Qaeda felt itself to be at war with the U.S. due to the imperial abuses listed above. Is the killing of civilians in wartime the equivalent of murder? Maybe it is on paper, but in reality the slaughter of civilians is what modern warfare is all about. The high-tech weapons so enthused about in Pentagon media releases almost can't help but kill large numbers of civilians, in spite of pious rhetoric about their "precision" capabilities. However precise their targeting capacities may be, whenever they are used large numbers of civilians die, only to be dismissed as inconsequential "collateral damage." How many wedding parties have we blown up in Afghanistan? One is too many. The point is that if 911 is murder, so were the long series of brutal aggressions carried out by the U.S. and Israel in the years preceding 911. And the aggregate civilian death tolls from those imperial interventions make 911 look like a misdemeanor, rendering Goldberg's claim that it was "a crime without precedent" quite ridiculous.

Furthermore, the notion that Westerners, Americans in particular, "are gifted in the art of slashing self-criticism" is patently absurd. Americans are deeply indoctrinated to believe that direct self-accusation of imperial crimes committed by American leaders is a form of treason. We are permitted to refer to our leaders' "mistakes," "ignorance," "naivete," "confusion," and "blundering idealism," but we must never accuse them of criminal conduct, no matter how many innocent people they slaughter, nor how flimsy the pretexts they use for justification. In point of fact U.S. leaders are considered good by definition in the U.S. corporate media, which does everything it can to prevent the American people from finding out about the crimes of state funded by their tax dollars. As a result, coming across a healthy, self-critical conscience in the U.S. is about as likely as finding a healthy fish in Lake Erie. As long as the public mind is contaminated by corporations like those that bring us Love Canal, Three Mile Island, the BP Gulf disaster, and the Fukushima triple meltdown, it cannot be otherwise.

Goldberg is correct in stating that self-criticism is indispensable to democracy, but his claim that we are overindulging this alleged trait in the West, especially in the U.S., is ludicrous. For it is the almost complete absence of self-criticism that characterizes U.S. political discourse. What passes for intelligent commentary in the U.S. mass media is little more than political gossip, and the "patriotic" grandstanding indulged in by political candidates reflects nothing more than the sound bites and bumper sticker slogans crafted by their corporate masters.

For all intents and purposes U.S. democracy is as dead as the avalanche of cliches that corporate America has used to bury it. Sustained and penetrating criticism of our political and business leaders is the only thing that can revive it.

See also Legalienate post from March 22, 2008 for a review of Osama bin Laden's indictment of U.S. policy.

Friends of the Girth

The new support group for obesity liberation formed by retired wrestlers, unemployed chefs and junk food addicts, announced a campaign to counter the present drive to end America’s alleged weight problems. The group’s founding statment says:

 “We believe it is absolutely necessary to maintain physical substance given the lack of any mental substance in this nation, and it is a patriotic duty for intellectually malnourished Americans to overeat as often as possible, to buy extra small garments that wear out quickly and keep our clothing industry profitable, and to sit and watch TV for hours and destroy our furniture to be replaced in our planned obsolescence economy.”

The president said he admired their patriotic fervor and hoped they would only overeat  foods with low fats and that their diets would result in high profits .

from the Legalienate news bureau...all the news that fits, we print.

Comedian Katt Williams vs. The Aztec "Nation"

Comedian Katt Williams recently insulted a Latino man in a Phoenix audience by parading an "America, Love It or Leave It" mentality and telling Mexicans who object to their treatment in the U.S. to "go back to Mexico" if they love it so much. Williams ended his rant by singing the American national anthem and chanting "USA, USA, USA."

The corporate media is characterizing Williams' remarks as racist, though they are actually nationalist. And the Mexican reaction has been largely nationalist as well. It's a conflict of nationalisms, not race.

Although such commentary becomes more predictable now that the U.S. has its first African American president, it's simply absurd for a black man in the U.S. to end up singing the national anthem and chanting "USA, USA" in the country that enslaved his ancestors, especially on land that was forcibly taken from the people he is singing to. Basically, he's endorsing the superpatriotism of the American Legion. And what for? Blacks are 55% of the two million plus prisoners in the U.S., nearly five times their proportion of the general population. Does that sound like they are fully credentialed members of the "land of liberty?"

Williams started off his rant saying that "it appears to me" that Latinos enjoy living in the U.S. Of course, the same was said of slaves in the old South, always singing and dancing, and ever ready to laugh at a good "darkie" joke. That means they were happy, right?

The reason Mexicans are in the U.S. to begin with is because President Polk sent troops to invade Mexico in 1846, and the U.S. later annexed almost half the country in a successful effort to take California (especially) and the Southwest. Mexican nationals living in the newly colonized lands were forced to choose between expulsion and re-nationalizing themselves as American citizens. As the saying goes, they never crossed the border; the border crossed them.

In more recent years "free trade" destroyed communal agriculture south of the border, forcing millions of displaced farmers to choose between starvation and illegal immigration. If you're faced with that choice, you're not going to swim for Fiji: you're going to enter the U.S. That has nothing to do with loving the U.S., and it is hardly contradictory to resent the U.S. while seeking to better oneself economically working within it. So Williams' attempt to portray this as hypocritical is off base.

Williams said that Mexicans "should have fought for" California if they loved their land so much. The fact of the matter is that they DID fight for it, but lost to vastly superior force. This does not imply any lack of love for their land or culture. Furthermore, by similar logic we could blame blacks for slavery. Why didn't they fight the slave traders and successfully resist enslavement in the first place? I guess they didn't love Africa enough. And by Williams' logic, we should have deported African Americans in the 1960s who grew Afros, donned dashikis, and shouted "I'm black, and I'm proud," while studying Swahili instead of correcting their non-standard "black English." How ungrateful could they be?

Yes, Williams is just a comedian, but his ideas enjoy broad currency and do a lot of damage. What's funny about that?