Finally: True Communist Death Toll Revealed

There has long been speculation among scholars , academics, researchers , fortune tellers and other fascists as to the actual death toll inflicted on the slaves of communist regimes. Figures range from Stalin’s murder of twenty million to Mao’s murder of sixty million to a total of more than 90 or 100 million killed, collectively, by the deranged collectivists who attempted to organize society on the basis of human needs rather than private profits. After extensive search through archives of the Soviets, the Chinese , the John Birch Society and the Three Stooges, Legalienate has been able to arrive at a figure which will stand up to the most rigorous academic study:

The evil communist monsters actually murdered four and a half billion
people, wiping out the entire population of earth except for the evil ones themselves. They then imported alien life forms from other parts of the universe and , diabolically using depraved science learned from Dr. Mengele and Dr. Kevorkian , shaped and cloned them into creatures replacing all of those they had murdered. And thus we have the United Nations, the USA , Israel, the Tooth Fairy , Brittany Spears, Fox TV, Black Helicopters, White People and other everyday phenomena.

The research department at the Garlic News Bureau of Legalienate wishes to thank the members of the American Security Society Home Of Lost Engrams for their help with this study and hopes its results will offer a clearer view of our history, our science and our navels.