The Garlic: Big Tweets About Small Twits

35,000 More Women Come Forward With Claims Of Being Sexually Harassed by Herman Cain.

Bill Clinton says “I did not have sex with any of those women.”

Democrats and upper middle class feminists call for Cain’s public execution.

Republicans demand 2012 election be cancelled and Cain become president by acclimation in 2011.

99% of American public doesn’t give a shit.

Israel Charges Iran With History’s First Anti-Semitic Hate Crime.

“Ancient Iranians murdered Christ” claims Israeli foreign minister Meshugina Goyishacupp.

 More orthodox jews claim that Christ deserved to die and charge him with being history’s first self hating Jew.

U.N. Insecurity Council demands boycott and embargo of all Iranian thoughts dating from the death of Christ.

Experts agree it may be difficult to completely suppress all thoughts but free world democracies should at least try.

Sarkozy And Obama Accused Of Being Right For The First Time.

Private conversation reveals that both leaders think Netanyahu an obnoxious and murderous liar who exceeds their own obnoxious and murderous lying and makes things bad for all other obnoxious murderous liars who lead western free world nations towards final victory in the battle against godless communism.

Or terrorism.

Or global revolution .

Or something.

Gloria Allred And Alan Dershowitz Challenge Rush Limbaugh And Ann Coulter To Nationally Televised Battle To The Death.

Tag-Team opponents will spit, hissy fit and taunt one another verbally until total brain death results.

Bout will be simulcast on all three networks and PBS, C-span , the Comedy channel, ESPN and the Cartoon network. NFL, NBA, Major League Baseball, World Cup and Kick, Punch, Stab, Eye Gouge and Genital Crush TV games all cancelled so world can watch.

99% of Americans rooting for all four to lose.

New Ballot Measure To Make Corporate Fetus Eligible To Vote And Get Food Stamps But Not Serve in Military.

Members of the new Cro-Magnon political party placed  the measure on the ballot by getting the necessary signatures at mental health crisis centers.

As few as two conspirators who speak of incorporating can be guaranteed all rights – including many denied to quite a few citizens – from the time of mental conception.

“The mere idea of incorporation is enough to make it plain and clear that a new life is to be formed, and anyone threatening that life will be guilty of a capital crime” said an anonymous Republican presidential candidate.

An anonymous Democratic party spokesperson expressed shock that the corporate fetus would still be unprotected in its earlier form as a zygot. “All life in formation – except in cases of national defense or profit protection - must be held sacred”, he, she or it said.

Stay tuned for regular updates...

The Garlic , a subsidiary of Legalienate , owned by card carrying members of the 99%