Shocking Entrance Poll Results:
Ahmadinejad Elected President of USA!
A brand new polling technique that questions possible voters
as they enter parking lots, shopping centers, gas stations or public toilets
prior to possibly voting has revealed surprising results. When confined to
Iranian-Americans, critics of Israel and lovers of Iranian food, the
overwhelming choice of possible voters was Ahmadinejad for president of the
USA.
“We’ll have to go back to the drawing boards and reconstruct
our surveys. This form had worked in animal food and media daytime tv
questionnaires but something obviously went wrong here” said a representative
of the Center for the Study of Centers, which created the revolutionary new
polling technique.
Shocking Vote Suppression Bulletins From All Over America
Minnesota:
Voters forced to disrobe, stand in freezing ice and snow
before being allowed to vote. Poll watcher who forced them apologized and
claimed he was only part-time and had previously worked at airports .
Arizona:
Multi-Billionaires pay homeless Americans to get green cards
and pose as legal immigrants in order to vote for Romney. Plan backfires as
Ahmadinejad carries state.
Pennsylvania:
Republicans
were accused of beating children, sexually abusing puppies and eating
raw cat food in order to sicken, frighten and deny decent citizen voters who would have chosen Obama had they
not been beaten, abused and sickened away from the polls.
Democrats responded with claims that Republican mobs
molested Women-Americans, African Americans, Gay-Americans, Latin-Americans, ,
Jewish-Americans, Irish- Americans , Italian-Americans and Dreamer-Americans
who were sleep walking to the polls, interfering with their constitutional
right to dream, walk, be hyphenated and vote.
Washington D.C.
Citizens of the nation’s capital who wished to vote were
subjected to body searches, forced urine analysis and questioned on the meaning
of the Koran in an effort to exclude terrorists, HIV positive people and
Muslims from voting. The ACLU was considering a law suit defending the HIV
positive people from this kind of harassment.
Oklahoma:
Voters were asked to show ownership of oil wells or stock in
petroleum companies before being allowed into polling places in Tulsa and other
major cities.
Early Exit Polls Show Americans Losing…Again…As Usual
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