NSA works to end mass killings committed by disturbed,
lonely, alienated and unattended citizens by using electronic eavesdropping
technology on mental patients who hear voices. This pre-crisis intervention
technology will save lives and make a few bucks while doing so, at least for IT
billionaires.
Asked if such
techniques could include listening in on those mentally disabled agents who
heard Assad ordering use of chemical weapons agency claims diplomatic immunity
for salaried employees of U.S. taxpayers and private firms sucking those same
taxpayers dry.
Canada and Mexico to conduct joint inspection of USA’s
weapons of mass destruction to supervise their, um, mass destruction.
Mexico threatens that if there is not complete compliance
with the international community’s demands that America rid itself of such
weapons it will send tens of millions more immigrants into the country who will
have lots of children, form militant labor unions, never learn English and beat
the crap out of American soccer teams.
Canada will jam American TV programming with news broadcasts
about its public financed health care system and force America to extend care
to all those Mexican immigrants if compliance is not verified by the
international community.
Finland, Iran and Syria will jointly inspect Israel’s supply
of nuclear, chemical and other weapons of mass destruction. Israel charges anti-semitism
and potential genocide through globally embargoed chicken fat and forced
drinking of extremely flat seltzer.
General Assembly of United Nations reminds USA and Israel
that they represent a tiny fraction of the global population and that the
general assembly represents six billion people. US and Israel claim anti-semitism,
hatred of exceptional nations, discrimination against master races and vow to
bring issue to In-Security council.
Mental Health Crisis Centers follow NRA request to issue
weapons to any and all who suffer severe inability to differentiate material
reality from cosmic broadcast network bulletins about neighbors trying to kill
them and Assad trying to gas them.
People in need of mental health support urged by NRA gun
lobby to purchase weapons and murder fellow citizens as short-term solutions to
their problems.
Private Insurers wait for Obamacare before providing mental
health support for all who need it. Not yet profitable enough by comparison to
gun sales, burial fees, grief counseling, according to Disaster Industry Council.
Assad charges Obama-Kerry with hearing voices speaking
Hebrew that provoke them to commit international mass murder. They charge him
with being a moron who is purposely using weapons stated as sanctioning direct
U.S. – instead of the usual indirect U.S. – military intervention into Syria’s
civil war. Assad hints, diplomatically, that they are slack jawed baboons prolonging
war to a great extent started with interventions from the west.
Sweden, India, Brazil and Venezuela agree to test I.Q. of
all three. Obama and Kerry refuse testing; accuse Assad of treacherous use of
test gas and other nations of anti-semitism, anti-master-racism and not
worshipping Martin Luther King’s Dream.
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