When Murder Is Okay..Or Not

Leaked Excerpt of Debate from War College Lesson on War Crimes

Let’s be clear about this, future heroic defenders of all that is good, democratic, loving and humane. You warriors in defense of liberty and justice can bomb a facility in a militarily defended area so long as it isn’t a hospital. You can murder entire families, crush their skulls , burn their bodies and scatter the arms and legs of all occupants of that building, whether they are men, women, children, in uniform or not, because they are in a building in the militarily defended area of a defined enemy of all that is good, peaceful and democratically profitable.

But:

if a person with,say, a crushed skull received as a result of your heroic bombing of that nest of enemy evil-doers is rushed across the street to a hospital where there might be some glue or surgical tape with which to reconstruct the skull so that person might one day be able to feed itself or move its bowels again, and you kill that person by bombing the hospital, that is a war crime!

Uh…wait a minute prof…I can blow some poor bastard’s brains out and have brain matter and puss running out of his ears and it’s okay if he’s in a building identified by my commanders as enemy territory populated by evil, monstrous, perverted terrorists, but if they drag his sorry, evil, monstrous, perverted, animal ass to a hospital and try forcing that brain ooze back into his head so that he might someday be able to pick his nose, wipe his drool, or something and while they’re trying to save this sorry-assed rotten bastard’s life I blow up that building and kill him, I’ve committed a war crime?

Yes.

If I kill him in what I’m told is his terrorist home I’m a hero , but if I kill his ass in what you tell me later is a hospital , I’m a murderer?

Yes.

Uh..is it too late to switch my major to law or medicine?