Bulletins From The Garlic

 

 

Butt Coin: Blockhead Supported

 

New digital currency introduced by mathematical financial wizard with doctoral degree in FinFB. *

“We’ve given up on silly blockchains of computers being tasked with storing our financial info and switched to full blockhead information and financial record keeping. Now, any enterprising person willing to send us a blank check made out to cash can be assured of raking in millions when all those checks are filed with other blockheads and add up to millions, perhaps billions, in only two or three weeks. Or months. Or days. All depending on the speed of markets, traffic, gullibility, environmental destruction, climate change, weight loss and other intangibles.” said Milton Amadeus Ponzi, brilliant originator of devices like the nose butt picker enabling people to simultaneously pick their noses while scratching their butts, and the dual operated personal ego which made schizophrenic individuals able to vote twice while only paying taxes once.

“The future is limitless for voluntary blockheads with no fear of being laughed at by allegedly thoughtful types who try to change the political economy. By joining it, and remaining fully thoughtless about future outcomes of a personal, social or planetary nature, they can assure continued warfare, poverty, disease, political oppression and other forms of western democracy that are the envy of all thoughtless beings.

 

*Fluent in Financial Bullshit

 

 

 

 

 

 

Homeless Americans Plan Escape To Ukraine

 

Since congress approved billions of dollars in aid to the Ukraine, members of the homeless community upper class – those who sleep in automobiles and not on the sidewalk – are planning to become refugees from poverty instead of war.

 

 “Our government (?) is showing enormous concern for people suffering war in the Ukraine and we figure if we can just get there we will be able to share some of that aid. If they refuse to share with us maybe we can take some of their weapons and comeback home and see if that will help convince people that we humans are worth at least as much consideration as our pet animals seem to deserve.”

 

 

 

 

 Second Amendment Birth ControlInterpretation To Make Us Proud

 

A strong supporter of the American second amendment constitutional right to bear arms suggests that women who are denied a constitutional right to abortion exercise their constitutional right to buy a gun and use it to kill any unwanted child they bear.

 

 

AI foreign policy bots call for nuclear war potential destruction of human race and more pet food production to outdo the Chinese domestic animal market.

 

Equality at last:

Same sex marriages enjoy equal percentage of divorce as opposite sex marriages.

 

Taxpayers owing more than 31 trillion dollars “our” democracy borrowed from minority rich Americans demand use of collective pronoun “asshole” as true self-description. “Whether we have testicles, vaginas, both or neither, our diversity presents us with equality of using our minds the way we use our genitalia” said Diversity President MaxGloria Infantilismia

 

 

 

Further proof of global democracy’s “rules based” international order which is threatened by humanity based political economics: recent U.N. vote found 185 nations against continued murderous embargo of Cuba while the world’s two most rules based murderous tribes voted continued support for international degeneracy. Two cheers for the USA and Israel and the hell with billions of others.

 

 

Homely people demand identity as beautiful, short people demand identity as tall, trans-doubles demand being able to vote twice but not pay double taxes and all insist on being represented by certifiable schizophrenics of either capitalist party.

 

Transylvanians charge attempted Genocide!

 

Transylvanian people have long suffered rumors and folk tales that they all sucked blood from the living and ate the bodies of the dead but current claims of what is called the trans community has them enraged and frightened.

 

“We have suffered enough and now to be confused with people calling themselves trans simply because of sexual confusion are reducing us further with their hate speech is threatening us with genocide” said Transylvanian spokesperson Alucard Namflow, chairperson of Transylvanians United For a Future Society Healing International Trust

 

“We at Tuffshit are tired of being the butt of jokes and being reduced to sinister creatures when all we want is to love and be loved without our genitalia being removed, replaced or reconditioned.”

 

They claim the stealing of their identity by people claiming to be trans who have no connection whatsoever to the rich culture of Transylvania and wish to have people believe there are more than two sexes is causing great concern among real trans people who fear genocide and worse. “ Some may be willing to defame and defile us even after death” charged Namflow “ and if we have to arm ourselves in the American tradition of peace and love which we have learned as immigrants, we will do so.”

 

Shim Themselves, an official from the newer transsexual community, assures the Transylvanians that no harm was meant and that both groups should get along since they have suffered discrimination for similar ignorance and bigotry but Alucard refused the offer. “They have incorporated just like every other identity group and are making money for simply being what they are while we still suffer for the exact same reasons: being what we are. We may have to have a Transylvanian Pride day, with a parade and native folk dancing and Transylvanian snacks of blood burgers and cherry cola. Whatever it takes, America must learn the real trans people wont stand for discrimination, hate crimes and other misery any longer!