Thursday, July 23, 2009

BULLETIN...BULLETIN: Mocha Revolution & more

Mocha Revolution in New York !

New York prep school students at the prestigious K. Wiford Ditzworthy Academy rose up in what they called a Mocha Revolution after a planned luncheon was canceled by a delivery service which decided they weren’t paying enough.

“Our workers are facing lay offs while these rich kids have caviar and crepes delivered to their schools, and they demand we lower our prices?”

But student leader W. Rutledge Goldworthy claimed that there was intense disrespect shown for the students by “these uneducated lower class workers who often make their deliveries without curtsying to our female classmates. We’re all feminists here and won't stand for our girls being dissed by these low lives, most of whom speak a foreign language which isn’t even french.”


At a hastily called press conference, a pretty student spokesperson said
“We’re not going to stand for this? We’re very serious?We won't tolerate disrespect from workers, teachers or our parents? No, we do not speak in declarative sentences? We are rich and you are all assholes? This press conference is over?”

A reporter for Woman’s Wear Weakly expressed shock at the student’s performance.
“Her Arpeggio Dilettante shoes were lovely, and the mink lined chador was a nice bow to the Iranian rebels, though the ear rings were a knock off and not really Gustave del Buttonna originals, but except for some seeming coffee stains on her sleeve, I saw no mocha at all... did you? This can't be a “mocha” revolution!”

When asked to clarify this serious political point, student W. Bennington Crassworthy said “We originally wanted to call it a Cappuccino revolution, but that really isn’t , like , a color, so we took Mocha, which is , like, one of our favorite drinks and really is a nice sort of, like, off shade of brown or tan which some of our fashion team really liked.”

School principal B. Geoffrey Twitworthy said that this could all be related to the recession stress, the closing of several high fashion boutiques in the area, and cutbacks on student trips to the Bahamas, Tibet and other exotic locales. But he added, “ we do expect an economic upsurge for neighborhood psychologists, at least, from the increase in family therapy visits this crisis is likely to create”

Still, after some parents have grounded their children , threatened to cut off allowances , close trust funds and imposed a curfew, the “Mocha” revolution ( U.S. Trademark, pat. pending) goes on, with defiant students taking to their roofs and penthouses chanting “money is great” and “death to the caterers” .


Single Payer Finally Wins!

After months of wrangling, wheeling, dealing and then some more wrangling , congress and the president have bowed to citizen demand and created a single payer health care system for the USA. Under the new system, every single person in the USA will pay for his or her health care, choosing between private, public, religious or secret insurance agencies which will guarantee that in return for premiums , monthly , weekly and deductible fees, all Americans will be able to buy health care. Every single one of them.

“We saw the pollssss that showed a great majority of our people wanted to be able to pay sssssingly, and we bowed to those demandssssss” sssaid the presssident.


Peace Rules! Nearly 2 Billion cut from military budget!

Peace movement, antiwar and other completely forgotten sources of criticism for previous administration’s were rejoicing over a cut in one Pentagon program which took nearly two billion dollars out of a more than 600 billion dollar military budget.
“We knew that if we persevered, by not making any public criticism, not organizing any demonstrations against war, and accepting the humanitarian notion that there are smart and winnable wars as opposed to stupid and loseable ones, we would get this administration to come around to our way of thinking and cut the military budget by almost .003%” said a spokesperson for the Weakness Over Unity coalition.

The group, elated over its great victory, has promised to confront global poverty next, vowing to create a free lunch kitchen for the starving and hungry billions who are being affected by the current global recession. At this rate of progress,the coaltion of groups declared that all wars and all poverty should be gone by, maybe the year 2525.

Stay Tuned!

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