Monday, December 12, 2011

Election Bulletins from The Garlic News Bureau

Republicans to hold group Bar Mitzvah ceremony for all candidates – except Michele Bachman who will have a Bas Mitzvah – to show allegiance and devotion to Israel.

 “After the ceremony, as further sign of their deep devotion to financing from American Jewish interests, they will all participate in a bombing raid on a Palestinian refugee camp” said party spokesperson Rush Bimbo.

Depending on how quickly funding follows bombing, the candidates may also participate in additional attacks on Iran, Syria and Rhode Island .

Herman Cain Accuses Michelle Bachman, Hillary Clinton and Margaret Thatcher of Sexual Harassment

Hillary Clinton says “ All options were on the table” re her relationship with Herman Cain.

Bill Clinton says “ I did not have sex with Herman Cain, Margaret Thatcher or my wife.”

Barrack Obama leads Perry ,Bachman, Romney, Grumpy, Sleepy and Doc in polls, but trails Dopey, Gingrich, Santoro, Sneezy, Sleazy and Steven Colbair .

Republican Debates to Become Weekly Reality Show on Fox

Ron Paul, Ralph Nader, Bill Moyers and Annette Funicello to form new Populist-Disney party, run intellectually superior cartoon candidates for elections in Venezuela and Bolivia.

“ Americans are not yet up to the collective intellectual level we need so we’ll start with more advanced countries” said party spokesperson Helmut Wittgenstein.

Crackpot Realism moves ahead of Perpetuation of Idiocy as primary reasons for voting.
In Primaries or General elections.

Stay Tuned…

in or out…

wont make any difference

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