Rubio, Cruz, denounce Trump as "racist, misogynist, genocidal xenophobe" who is leading the GOP to "total disaster;" pledge to "support him 100%" if he's nominated.
Sanders slams "my friend" Hillary Clinton for "drowning the Middle East in ocean of blood" and "empowering Wall Street financiers to destroy U.S.;" promises "unconditional support" if she succeeds in buying the Democratic nomination.
All mental hospitals in Israel to close; Jewish Institute of Mental Health claims concept is "meaningless" in nation that talks only of "who to incinerate next."
Hillary Clinton proposes Medicare For All who invade Russia to topple Putin regime. Trump sticks by his "something terrific" plan to replace Obama Care.
GOP presidential candidates found to be infected by Zika; virus shrunk Republican brains while leaving normal-sized skulls intact. Trump insists there is "no problem" with size of his thinking organ.
President of International Congress of War Refugees calls for Hillary Clinton to win U.S. presidency. "The destruction of all we know and love" would be handled more humanely by a woman, Ima Dunce tells the New York Times.