Thursday, October 13, 2016

Latest Shocking Trump Bulletins from The Garlic

Trump In Clown Garb Registers Illegal Immigrants

An anonymous source claims to have seen Donald Trump dressed as a very scary clown and herding frightened illegal immigrants to the polls after forcing them to register as his voters. He was laughing hideously all the while.
Details later.

Trump Accused of Lurid Sex Comments Watching Bill Cosby

Another anonymous source claims to have seen and heard Trump comment on wanting to have sex with various members of the Cosby TV family while watching reruns of the show.He was looking lustily and drooling all the while.
Details later.

Trump and Cosby Abuse Victims Unite for Class Action

Still another anonymous source – a legal and religious expert – prophesizes that the united victims will sue for billions and go to the Supreme Court if necessary. Trump looked terrified, ugly and unhinged all the time.
Details much later.

Trump Asks Putin & Assad How Hot Their Wives Are

Still another anonymous source –not the same as the other three, this one speaks Russian and Arabic – alleges that Trump asked both global mass murdering villains about their sex lives. He wanted explicit details and looked very horny and sexist and racist all the while.
More details much later.
Much much later.

The Garlic prides itself on using international morals-free paparazzi media sources, all of them college graduates and sworn to secrecy lest their alma maters suffer vicious definancialization after donors are incentivized to tell them to fuck off with that garbage, looking embarrassed all the while.  

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