Trump
In Clown Garb Registers Illegal Immigrants
An anonymous source claims to have seen Donald Trump dressed
as a very scary clown and herding frightened illegal immigrants to the polls
after forcing them to register as his voters. He was laughing hideously all the
while.
Details later.
Trump
Accused of Lurid Sex Comments Watching Bill Cosby
Another anonymous source claims to have seen and heard Trump
comment on wanting to have sex with various members of the Cosby TV family
while watching reruns of the show.He was looking lustily and drooling all the
while.
Details later.
Trump
and Cosby Abuse Victims Unite for Class Action
Still another anonymous source – a legal and religious
expert – prophesizes that the united victims will sue for billions and go to
the Supreme Court if necessary. Trump looked terrified, ugly and unhinged all
the time.
Details much later.
Trump
Asks Putin & Assad How Hot Their Wives Are
Still another anonymous source –not the same as the other
three, this one speaks Russian and Arabic – alleges that Trump asked both
global mass murdering villains about their sex lives. He wanted explicit
details and looked very horny and sexist and racist all the while.
More details much later.
Much much later.
The Garlic prides itself on using international morals-free
paparazzi media sources, all of them college graduates and sworn to secrecy
lest their alma maters suffer vicious definancialization after donors are
incentivized to tell them to fuck off with that garbage, looking embarrassed all
the while.
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