Outraged Americans Demand Family Prisons!
“This fascism must stop. All children should be with their imprisoned families. Anything less is fascism. Or did I already say that?”
Trisexual multi-ethnic spokesperson Hilda Max Fulgencio Levy McBride, chair of Americans for Family Prisons, could barely contain shims rage at missing an important therapy session by having to address major media from nextbook, facemat, cnabc and marvel comics about the latest hysterical action by the fascist regime that has taken over the country and brought it, or at least a large segment of its adults still being breast fed, closer to a breaking point than ever before.
No, really, much worse than the great depression or world wars one and two or Korea or Vietnam. This is worse than anything ever forever before and after or during, really bad. Like.
The spectacle of non-violent lawbreakers being impounded with their children caused a viral storm on anti-logic media and this new group was formed after raising three trillion dollars in buttcoins* after only 15 minutes of a go-fund-me-and-fuck-yourself drive.
“Tens of thousands of Americans are in our prisons and jails for non-violent law breaking, like crossing borders illegally, and their children are left without parents. We demand these families be brought together and enjoy living in prisons with full access to the pleasures of family life.”
“How heart breaking it must be for those American children to be separated from a parent who simply did something wrong, driven by economic hardship, like the people who cross our borders due to poverty. Americans in our prisons aren’t there because their stocks or bonds went down in value or they were not accepted at Yale, Harvard, Howard or Spellman, but because they broke the law in order to survive. Like our brothers and sisters from across the border whom we welcome with open arms, but not to our neighborhoods and communities unless they come here to clean our houses, take care of our kids or take our dog shit to a neighbor’s garbage.
In the American tradition of the first immigrants who came here in poverty and stole the land from its original inhabitants, we accept all people we aren’t killing in their own countries especially those escaping our attacks and economic policies which throw them out of their homes, jobs and nations so that we can remain the exceptional nation loved and respected the world over for spending 60 billion on our pets while hundreds of thousands of our people live in the street. Top that, you Russian murderers!
Anyone wishing to help can send buttcoins to general delivery, mental health crisis center, anytown USA.
* successor to bitcoins, and much more profitable.