Monday, January 28, 2019

Bulletins From The Garlic!. Stolen From Major Media Mind Molesters!


Homer Simpson To Join Democratic Candidate List For 2020.

“OMG! We have a reality TV president and now it’s time for a cartoon TV president,” said campaign coordinator Hilary D. Plorable.

“OMG! Homer can help bring white working class voters back to the party and family photos of The Simpsons along with their gay, black, Indian and other supporting cartoon characters from the cast will charm the millions who still love the show. OMG! It’s  going to take lots of money, even with the family’s great name recognition, so can you donate ten, twenty or thirty dollars now, with more to come later? OMG! Are you as excited as we are? OMG!


Trump Charged With Treason: This Time It’s China!

Observers claim the president was seen in close conversation with a waiter at a Chinese restaurant in Georgetown and the Washington Police, the FBI, the CIA, the NSA and Girl Scouts of America were all immediately notified of this possible act of treachery if any part of their conversation was about computer electronics and not the Dumpling Special at Danny's Dim Sum Diner.


Trump Farts in Central Park: Times/CNN/MSNBC Charge Lethal Gas Attack: NY Jews Fear Second Holocaust!

Trump spokesperson claims he is the greatest most brilliant friend Israel and Zionist American Jews have ever had and fart was innocent result of eating too much Chinese Food.

Southern Poverty Law Center charges anti-Asian bigotry and threatens multi-billion dollar lawsuit. ACLU offers to defend Trump, immediately suffers loss of most donors and files for bankruptcy. Russian and Chinese billionaires offer help. Liberals call for impeachment. Conservatives call for lunch at Chinese Restaurants. Moderates order pastrami from delis in support of Jews suffering anti-Semitic Trump attacks.

In an unrelated culinary identity group ploy, People of Color Inc. join with Gay Inc. and Gender Fluidity Inc. to demand Taco-Pizza-Burger stands owned by Muslims on Wall Street and in front of all banks.

As the only people without color in the human race, Albinos demand equal rights, claim corn dog, hot dog and running dog wagons should be dispensing free food to all people of no color.

All global humans of color (99.9% of race) protest exclusion of Albinos, chant “me too” and join forces to rid the planet of liberal, progressive, populist, conservative, right wing, no wing, brain dead and upper class college graduate Americans.

OMG! Stay Tuned! OMG!