Harriet Tubman Exposed As Vicious Anti-Semite

Failed To Lead A Single Jew To The Promised Land, ADL Fumes

Plans to put Underground Railroad hero Harriet Tubman on the U.S. $20 bill have been permanently shelved due to her recently uncovered lifelong anti-Semitism, announced Fox Abramson of the Anti-Defamation League.

"It's incredibly bad judgment that she was ever even considered as a candidate," Abramson complained. "They called her 'Moses' but she didn't lift a finger to help the victims of the 1859 Odessa pogrom in Russia, ignoring their plight and continuing to focus laser-like on black people out of pure spite," he added.

"A more vicious hate crime could hardly be imagined."

Psychologists are probing Tubman's history of Jew-hatred to determine where it came from and why it manifested itself in such an ugly manner. Early hints suggest she was angry that Jesus failed to attend his own Bar Mitzvah and took it out on the entire self-chosen master race. Other possibilities include resentment that Mose's wife saved her son from angel attacks by circumcising him, an option that was denied the childless Tubman. 

"It's easy to see how she might have had a - 'What am I - chopped liver?' - relationship with God, says Minister Fairy Jalwell of the Very Reformed Protestant Church.

In the wake of the anti-Semitism charge the U.S. Treasury Department has been bombarded with alternate suggestions for currency changes, including Representative Ilhan - "It's All About The Benjamins" -  Omar for the $100 bill, Joe Biden for the $1 bill (nearly worthless), and, at his own suggestion, Donald Trump for the upcoming trillion dollar bill, because "no one has a bigger bill than me."

-----Michael K. Smith
Legalienation News Bureau