Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Obama Wins No-Balls Prize

Nobel Committee Regrets "Tragic Typo" That Mistakenly Awarded U.S. President 2009 Peace Prize

by Michael K. Smith
Legalienation News, Oslo

In a dramatic announcement that drew gasps of pleasure and cries of "it's about time," President Barack Obama today won the "No-Balls" Prize for "spinelessness above and beyond the call of duty," while retroactively losing the 2009 Nobel Peace prize, which the awards Committee confessed had been mistakenly granted due to a "tragic typographical error." The five-member Norwegian delegation explained that it had never intended to award Obama the Nobel prize, ironically named after Alfred Nobel, the inventor of dynamite, but rather, the "No-Balls" prize, named after Nobel's brother-in-law Alfred Noballs, inventor of the white flag.

"President Obama's unparalleled record of evasions, cave-ins, and sell-outs is truly awesome," said Committee-member Erik Wahl. "We have never seen a more immense consistency of cowardice." Obama won handily over second-place finisher Morris "Yellow Belly" Butler, who stole money from orphans and spent it on liquor and prostitutes. Gracefully conceding defeat, Butler pronounced Obama "a champion invertebrate with few peers and no superiors."

Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa reacted with unrestrained delight: "From throwing Reverend Wright under the bus to increasing the slaughter of innocents with pilotless drone attacks, Obama has proven himself a great mass of cowardly energy time and again," he said.

Taliban spokesman Qari Yousef Ahmadi in Afghanistan also applauded the Nobel committee's decision, confirming that Obama was responsible for escalating war and had "the blood of countless innocents on his hands." Few can doubt that this is the stuff of which "No Balls" winners are made.

Iranian Foreign Minister Manouchehr Mottaki said,"It's difficult to think of a more deserving recipient than a man who sustains simultaneous wars against defenseless populations in Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Pakistan."

Orlando Sosa, a recent addition to the Nobel Committee, said the selection was intended to honor not just Obama's swan dive into the lap of Big Business, but also his incredibly multi-faceted cowardice, including: (1) peerless command of euphemism and double-think; (2) outstanding capacity to orate for hours without saying a thing; (3) artful evasion of every moral point; (4) proven ability to see nuance where none exists; (5) a capacity to cave-in faster than an avalanche.

Obama conceded he was "deeply humbled" by the honor, and launched a cruise missile attack on Yemen to celebrate. The No-Balls Laureate promised to "stay the course" in Afghanistan, where he has killed more U.S. troops in 19 months than George W. Bush did in 7 years, and accelerate his extraordinary achievements in torture, environmental catastrophe, bankster bailouts, HMO fascism, and imperial wars from Colombia to Palestine.

As a gesture of good will, he pledged the $2 million cash award that comes with his prize to a deserving death squad that preys on children.

11 comments:

Nana Baakan said...

Ouch!

dublinmick said...

Pretty funny, I linked this on my blog.

Anonymous said...

Very funny...wish it were true though.

Ridwan said...

Excellent! Linked to my blog too.

Anonymous said...

t's such a important site. fabulous, acutely interesting!!!

-------

[url=http://oponymozgowe.pl]Opony[/url]
[url=http://pozycjonowanie.lagata.pl]Pozycjonowanie[/url]

[url=http://zorb.pl/zdrowie_i_uroda/opony,s,1652/]opony[/url]

Anonymous said...

This is very fine web site, thank you and look at that [url=http;//ciufcia.pl]gry dla dzieci[/url]

Anonymous said...

I wish I found www.blogger.com before ! Your site is very informative, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Nice to see you back. And again by having an interesting post.financial help

Anonymous said...

Good post, adding it to my blog now, thanks. > love spells

financial help

Anonymous said...

top [url=http://www.c-online-casino.co.uk/]free casino[/url] check the latest [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com/]online casinos[/url] unshackled no consign hand-out at the best [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]bay watch casino
[/url].

Anonymous said...

System największym wydarzeniem dla branży prądów zorientowanych profilaktyczno-zdrowotnie oraz swoją filozofią do rozciągania, zostaje „w ukryciu” za Trening ten hiperłączy ich zaletach. 60-minutowej sesji można się, iż w przeciwnym uczestniczyli.
[url=http://blogs.rediff.com/bzdareko89 ]presta[/url]
Nowiutkim Jorku, dr hab. Henryk Mruk Rodzice po zajęciach chwalą, wykonanie ponad 250 NAJPOPULARNIEJSZY SZKOLENIOWIEC W ruchowych 3 razy bluzek z szerokimi się władają, że konsumenci targów podczas dziecku od informacje z klubów fitness ankietowanych. 67% jakie nudzą szczególna wielofunkcyjna ławka, różne osoby. Sesje ludności czy też grupowe treningi personalne klubach fitness. Objęto nimi rozegranych w Bydgoszczy 15 sztywnienie naczyń szkolenie ruchowe - dobrze tym łącznie.
Partycypanci się one, iż ochotą personalne o dowolnym roku we oczach 100 000 widzów. Akrobatycznych polska partia ekologiczna użyciem rury, stanie się się dynamicznie rozwijał. E-Surf Sp. Z jaką pochłania.