1. Congress Shall Make No Law Abridging Freedom of Speech, Unless Said Speech is Offensive.
2. Freedom of Assembly is Guaranteed To All, Unless You Are Carrying A Tiki Torch, In Which Case You Shall Be Freely Assaulted By Justice Loving Mobs
3. All Citizens Shall Have the Right to Petition the Government for a Redress of Grievances, Unless They're The Wrong Grievances . . .