Critics of the report that the U.S. tortured vicious, murderous, barbaric, bloody, rapist, vivisectionist, dog and cat hating terrorists claim the report vastly overstates the actual truth.
"When american cosmetic agents of inquiry cut off prisoner's lips or sliced off their noses, they were merely performing extreme makeovers, not torture" said professor of humanities Klaus von Goldfarb of the Center for Rationalizing American Politics.
"And these techniques produced excellent results so these suspects would never commit terrorist suicide knowing those seventy virigins would have nothing to do with them in all their ugliness.
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