Netanyahu Dubs Shrinks' Mental Health Crusade "Zyklon B of the Psyche," Guarantees Impartial Verdict
by Michael K. Smith
Legalienation News Bureau
Psychiatrists that survived the Jewish state's June bombing of a Free Israel flotilla attempting to bring elephant tranquilizers to Israeli leaders suffering severe hysteria will go on trial for genocide Israeli authorities announced today. The defendants have been released from immigration jail and transferred to rabbinical authorities, who will preside over their trial in Israel's Supremely Jewish Court, which became the most broad-minded tribunal in the world when it endorsed torture in the 1990s. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who has promised a similarly sensible verdict this time around, yesterday pronounced psychoanalysis "Zyklon B of the psyche" and called on Israeli security to protect "the only democracy in the Middle East" with hooded interrogations from the witness stand.
"That the pursuit of mental health is genocidal isn't even going to be debated, those days are long gone," said Netanyahu. "These HAMAS-infected shrinks refuse to recognize our psychic borders and continue adhering to their genocidal charter, which calls for Jewish neurosis to be pushed into the sea. This is a blatant attempt to continue Auschwitz by other means," he added.
Few people are prepared to quibble with claims so firmly grounded in common sense. Psychiatrists seek to subordinate the instinctual passions of the id to the ego's rationality, an extremist stance that obviously cannot be reconciled with Israel's right to exist from the Tigris to the Euphrates, as called for by the Holy Bible, a popular Bronze Age real estate guide. Thus, the psychoanalytic effort to privilege rationality over instinct can only be realistically understood as an attack on God and His Children, which is genocide, deicide, and Judeocide all at once.
Alan Dearth-o-Wits, author of "Shrinking Israel - The Treason of Nazi Psychiatry," predicts that the current case will overturn much conventional wisdom in demonstrating that the roots of psychiatry lie in the Iran-Hizbollah-Hamas axis. According to him, psychoanalysis was not, in fact, invented by Sigmund Freud, but rather by Shedrick Fard, an Iranian extremist eager to move physical terrorism into the psychological realm. His seminal work, "Jew Hear Me?" has led to horrifying psychoanalytic atrocities, including giving aid and comfort to rationality, abetting thought, and weakening suicidal resolve, all in the name of establishing a "balanced, well-integrated personality," to use the Hitlerian phraseology of the psychiatric profession.
"Balanced, well-integrated personality is just a euphemism for Jew-hater," says Danny Har'el, the Free Israel psychiatrists' court-appointed attorney, who also directs the prestigious human rights organization, Crush The Arabs. "Anti-Semitism is the health of the goy. If Israeli leaders determine that Jewish peace requires killing, maiming, and destroying," he asks, "what has 'mental health' got to do with anything?"
Indeed. In any event, the prosecution's pre-trial motion to have video interviews of the defendants presented with spliced-in images of gun-toting HAMAS militants cheering wildly in the background has been approved by trial judge Eliazar Allon, who ruled that "full context" is indispensable to the rendering of a fair verdict. Dressing the psychiatrists in Nazi uniforms will also be allowed, so that the historical ramifications of the case can be properly understood.
However, a jury trial will not be permitted, as Israeli Arabs are believed to be extremely biased in favor of mental health, one of many deficiencies of Arab culture that Israeli experts say makes it impossible for them to render a just verdict.
Rigorous protection of individual rights will be practiced throughout the trial. The burden of proof rests with the accused, who will be required to establish that they love Israel more than their own mothers, or be sentenced to life in front of a firing squad. Torture is acceptable, but only when "really necessary" and always within the rigid constraints of "absolute justice." A guilty verdict will be considered final, but an acquittal may be appealed as many times as justice requires.
(For earlier commentary on the plight of psychiatrists in Israel, see Legalienate posts for June 8, June 15, and June 17)
-----Michael K. Smith is the author of "The Madness of King George" and "Portraits of Empire," with Common Courage Press.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
HBLT Syndrome: And Its Cure
Awareness is growing that despite civic mythology taught and learned in middle or graduate school , this system does not work for the benefit of everyone. But rather than leading to calls for sweeping reform , the lack of any organized political voice for radical reformation is leading to an epidemic of HBLT syndrome. This Heavy Breathing Light Thinking attack finds concerned , anxious and often delirious sources scaring people out of their wits with biased, perverse and misinformed layers of supposed information. And regardless of the perspective of the consciousness drinking from whatever polluted fountain of gossip, innuendo and fantasy, evidence reveals that destruction and damnation are near and if we don't do something soon we’re doomed. Sadly, the conclusion may be correct but most of the reasons cited to reach it range from honestly mistaken to dishonestly manipulative to stark ravingly insane.
A devoutly Christian servant of capitalism and Israel, sent to the White House with nearly fifteen million dollars of Wall Street financing and near total American Jewish support is seen as a Muslim, a socialist, and an anti-Semite by those who find government the work of Satan and logic the enemy of reason. Meanwhile, others who smugly believe themselves better informed and sophisticated see protest against the uncontrolled and often illegal immigration of people thrown out of their countries by capital - because they have become unprofitably expensive life, and imported here by capital - where they have become profitably inexpensive cheap labor, as evidence of racism, fascism and anything but understandable reaction when the enormous and unequally borne social cost of such immigration is considered.
With millions in the former third world electing governments to transform the system that is destroying the planet, the relatively affluent and supposedly enlightened masses of the USA remain generally unquestioning of that system while being reduced to identity group mobs claiming to represent democracy by showing total disrespect for their fellow citizens.
What is called bipartisan politics at the top involves government - on the payroll of corporate capital and foreign interest - doing the bidding of minority money and working against majority well being. Meanwhile supposed democracy for the rest of us creates social divisions among people with far more in common than they are led to believe, forcing them into phony special interest ghettos that guarantee divisive helplessness made to order for the ruling power to continue leading us to the ruin everyone correctly fears.
Our expenditures for the mass murder of war increase almost exponentially but we are moved to fear social spending as the cause of our financial chaos. While the Pentagon nearly bursts at the seams with taxpayer dollars we are warned that social security will bankrupt the nation if we don't reduce even more of our people to poverty. Millions suffering unemployment are often treated as malingerers while we are rallied to support the rights of capital to export good jobs and import cheap labor. We are led to see foreign aggressors as suffering victims in need of more American aid and protectors of finance capital as communists and socialists. We elect a president who supposedly represents change and the endless war in Afghanistan not only continues but grows more deadly while the threat of terror supposedly being suppressed actually increases both at home and abroad. And freedoms previously thought inviolable shrink under the alleged terror menace that would not exist without a foreign policy based on racial supremacy and imperial domination. No wonder there is so much hyper ventilating and so little reasoning. But despite our sometimes irrational behavior we may not be as helpless a mass of thoughtless consumers as our consciousness controllers wish us to be.
Those who see government working against the common interests are correct, but when they repeat romantic myth about returning it to the people they are wrong. This instrument of corporate and imperial management never did belong to the people, dating from its origins under the rich owners of land taken from the indigenous inhabitants and continuing to the present financial monstrosity of war and social division . We need a democratic revolution in order to remake government and for the first time in our history create an expression of the will of the people, rather than what it has always been been and still is ; a servant of the wealthy controllers and owners of this nation.
Government serves to maintain the political economic system in its primary function ; to produce , distribute, buy or sell everything that sustains or destroys life and in the process create a private profit on one side of the ledger which always causes a social loss on the other. The national dilemma over immigration, both legal and illegal, is a clear case in point.
The upper class owners of the plants, mills and farms that employ immigrants reap wild profits from the massive influx of cheap labor desperate for survival. When the immigration is illegal and thereby more desperate, the exploitation and profit grow accordingly. The upper middle class also profits by having a pool of cheap help to clean and repair its homes, tend to its children and gardens and generally provide a reliable workforce that lives, shops , schools and gets health care in other communities outside its own. But the social cost of the influx of hundreds of thousands of victims of the international market are borne by those who clean their own houses, tend their own children, and gardens if they have any, and are not even close to owning anything beyond their own homes and even that has become more problematic. A clear economic demarcation in who profits from this policy and who loses should be apparent to any population with a sense of itself as people of different economic classes and not merely identity group separations. But in this culture a serious social problem for all becomes a divisive battle between supposed liberal and conservative identity groupings, with vicious disrespect and sometimes incredible ignorance shown by either side while a minority class at the top laughs all the way to the bank, which it keeps filling with money from both battling groups while refusing to loan any of it to either one unless they pay exorbitant rates to borrow their own funds.
Government works to keep equilibrium in the system by trying to avoid total breakdown due to internal contradictions which could cause so much loss that revolution or dissolution would result. But we have reached a point at which it has become more difficult than ever to keep profit accumulating for a minority without causing ever greater loss for the majority and leading to the present sense of impending chaos. Many of the scare stories circulating originate from sources trying desperately to distract from any criticism of the system, but most are reactions from people genuinely concerned but totally confused. Whether consciously doing so or not, all are engaged in an effort to sustain what is falling apart.
Private bankers juggle books to save a finance system by making debtors out of those who once saved, an oil drilling disaster threatens far more than one company's profit margin and congress aligns with the executive in further demonizing Iran and threatening more war to please Israel and keep the pentagon complex floating in dollars and death. Celebrity scandals, sports gossip and conspiracy theories may distract some but most have good reason to be concerned about all these social problems and more. But we can't gain control of our public space by sputtering rage at individual villains and their alleged plots, sinking into identity group separatism or going into private therapy.
Corporate capital owns what is supposed to be our government and those who see that fact are growing righteously angry. But when they liken it to socialism they are as far removed from material reality as those who see every problem in America resulting simply from:
(only pick one ) uncontrolled immigration, Tea Party mobilizations, 911 conspirators , greedy executives, lazy workers, overweight people, welfare chiselers, major media, the internet, Satan, anti-Semitism, pornography or health food. Emotional and irrational responses are to be expected when no organized political outlet exists for most people in the face of a rapidly changing environment which is making life more difficult for almost all while they're being told that everything is getting better and soon will be just fine.
We live in a world of incredible private wealth and more incredible social poverty and are expected to believe that a relative handful of billionaires work their fingers to the bone while hundreds of millions of workers, the unemployed and the poor are all shiftless louts. Wealth and poverty are glaringly obvious and inequality can be seen and understood without a doctoral degree, but economic classes only seem to exist for a right wing which warns about a class war of the toiling majority against the minority of idle rich, while what passes for a left protects great wealth by supporting forms of trickle down economics that scatter bread crumbs and sprinkle water on millions suffering desperate hunger and critical drought .
Capitalism and its resulting environmental degradation and climate change are seen as deadly threats by representatives of the global majority who met at Cochabamba to begin planning to save mother earth while here at the center of the threat we are told climate change is a scam, the environment only needs more private investors and capitalism is wonderful if only we could all be capitalists. Of course, and plastic foods are much better than organic meals, children need candy and cell phones more than healthy diets and education, and people who feel persecuted need to form small groups with others who feel persecuted and begin persecuting other people who are blamed for their feelings of persecution, so long as those other people are members of their own class and not those high above them in the stratified structure of supposed equality that we call “ours”.
No wonder we are easy to shape into believers in outside enemies, inside conspiracies, incredible plots and supernatural disorders. Capitalism is not mysterious, occult or a secret cabal. It exists because most of us don't understand what it is and what it is doing to us and our world. We need to stop gasping, take several deep breaths and begin to think about who actually owns this country and how they got it and maintain their power over most of us with the system that serves their wealth and works against our need and desire for democracy and humanity . This system is slowly disintegrating over our heads and under our feet; it will only speed in its dissolution if we don't stop reacting to the most simplistic and emotional arguments for what seems to be wrong. We need a program of regular, thoughtful breathing that enables us to inhale personal reality and exhale social change.
Organizations exist and new ones are forming, both here and abroad, to transform material reality before it destroys us, and though none here are yet explicitly political parties, all are working for democracy whether they are calling for votes in an election or votes to support their organizing. We would do well to consider such organizations formed around the most special interest group: humanity, and not one or another identified sector chosen or ghettoized to think itself special, different or somehow more or less deserving of decency and comfort. All of us or none of us? That seems more apparent than ever before. At least to some of us, and we’d better transmit that message to others as relatively powerless as we have been, and stop treating them all as though they were our rulers.
A devoutly Christian servant of capitalism and Israel, sent to the White House with nearly fifteen million dollars of Wall Street financing and near total American Jewish support is seen as a Muslim, a socialist, and an anti-Semite by those who find government the work of Satan and logic the enemy of reason. Meanwhile, others who smugly believe themselves better informed and sophisticated see protest against the uncontrolled and often illegal immigration of people thrown out of their countries by capital - because they have become unprofitably expensive life, and imported here by capital - where they have become profitably inexpensive cheap labor, as evidence of racism, fascism and anything but understandable reaction when the enormous and unequally borne social cost of such immigration is considered.
With millions in the former third world electing governments to transform the system that is destroying the planet, the relatively affluent and supposedly enlightened masses of the USA remain generally unquestioning of that system while being reduced to identity group mobs claiming to represent democracy by showing total disrespect for their fellow citizens.
What is called bipartisan politics at the top involves government - on the payroll of corporate capital and foreign interest - doing the bidding of minority money and working against majority well being. Meanwhile supposed democracy for the rest of us creates social divisions among people with far more in common than they are led to believe, forcing them into phony special interest ghettos that guarantee divisive helplessness made to order for the ruling power to continue leading us to the ruin everyone correctly fears.
Our expenditures for the mass murder of war increase almost exponentially but we are moved to fear social spending as the cause of our financial chaos. While the Pentagon nearly bursts at the seams with taxpayer dollars we are warned that social security will bankrupt the nation if we don't reduce even more of our people to poverty. Millions suffering unemployment are often treated as malingerers while we are rallied to support the rights of capital to export good jobs and import cheap labor. We are led to see foreign aggressors as suffering victims in need of more American aid and protectors of finance capital as communists and socialists. We elect a president who supposedly represents change and the endless war in Afghanistan not only continues but grows more deadly while the threat of terror supposedly being suppressed actually increases both at home and abroad. And freedoms previously thought inviolable shrink under the alleged terror menace that would not exist without a foreign policy based on racial supremacy and imperial domination. No wonder there is so much hyper ventilating and so little reasoning. But despite our sometimes irrational behavior we may not be as helpless a mass of thoughtless consumers as our consciousness controllers wish us to be.
Those who see government working against the common interests are correct, but when they repeat romantic myth about returning it to the people they are wrong. This instrument of corporate and imperial management never did belong to the people, dating from its origins under the rich owners of land taken from the indigenous inhabitants and continuing to the present financial monstrosity of war and social division . We need a democratic revolution in order to remake government and for the first time in our history create an expression of the will of the people, rather than what it has always been been and still is ; a servant of the wealthy controllers and owners of this nation.
Government serves to maintain the political economic system in its primary function ; to produce , distribute, buy or sell everything that sustains or destroys life and in the process create a private profit on one side of the ledger which always causes a social loss on the other. The national dilemma over immigration, both legal and illegal, is a clear case in point.
The upper class owners of the plants, mills and farms that employ immigrants reap wild profits from the massive influx of cheap labor desperate for survival. When the immigration is illegal and thereby more desperate, the exploitation and profit grow accordingly. The upper middle class also profits by having a pool of cheap help to clean and repair its homes, tend to its children and gardens and generally provide a reliable workforce that lives, shops , schools and gets health care in other communities outside its own. But the social cost of the influx of hundreds of thousands of victims of the international market are borne by those who clean their own houses, tend their own children, and gardens if they have any, and are not even close to owning anything beyond their own homes and even that has become more problematic. A clear economic demarcation in who profits from this policy and who loses should be apparent to any population with a sense of itself as people of different economic classes and not merely identity group separations. But in this culture a serious social problem for all becomes a divisive battle between supposed liberal and conservative identity groupings, with vicious disrespect and sometimes incredible ignorance shown by either side while a minority class at the top laughs all the way to the bank, which it keeps filling with money from both battling groups while refusing to loan any of it to either one unless they pay exorbitant rates to borrow their own funds.
Government works to keep equilibrium in the system by trying to avoid total breakdown due to internal contradictions which could cause so much loss that revolution or dissolution would result. But we have reached a point at which it has become more difficult than ever to keep profit accumulating for a minority without causing ever greater loss for the majority and leading to the present sense of impending chaos. Many of the scare stories circulating originate from sources trying desperately to distract from any criticism of the system, but most are reactions from people genuinely concerned but totally confused. Whether consciously doing so or not, all are engaged in an effort to sustain what is falling apart.
Private bankers juggle books to save a finance system by making debtors out of those who once saved, an oil drilling disaster threatens far more than one company's profit margin and congress aligns with the executive in further demonizing Iran and threatening more war to please Israel and keep the pentagon complex floating in dollars and death. Celebrity scandals, sports gossip and conspiracy theories may distract some but most have good reason to be concerned about all these social problems and more. But we can't gain control of our public space by sputtering rage at individual villains and their alleged plots, sinking into identity group separatism or going into private therapy.
Corporate capital owns what is supposed to be our government and those who see that fact are growing righteously angry. But when they liken it to socialism they are as far removed from material reality as those who see every problem in America resulting simply from:
(only pick one ) uncontrolled immigration, Tea Party mobilizations, 911 conspirators , greedy executives, lazy workers, overweight people, welfare chiselers, major media, the internet, Satan, anti-Semitism, pornography or health food. Emotional and irrational responses are to be expected when no organized political outlet exists for most people in the face of a rapidly changing environment which is making life more difficult for almost all while they're being told that everything is getting better and soon will be just fine.
We live in a world of incredible private wealth and more incredible social poverty and are expected to believe that a relative handful of billionaires work their fingers to the bone while hundreds of millions of workers, the unemployed and the poor are all shiftless louts. Wealth and poverty are glaringly obvious and inequality can be seen and understood without a doctoral degree, but economic classes only seem to exist for a right wing which warns about a class war of the toiling majority against the minority of idle rich, while what passes for a left protects great wealth by supporting forms of trickle down economics that scatter bread crumbs and sprinkle water on millions suffering desperate hunger and critical drought .
Capitalism and its resulting environmental degradation and climate change are seen as deadly threats by representatives of the global majority who met at Cochabamba to begin planning to save mother earth while here at the center of the threat we are told climate change is a scam, the environment only needs more private investors and capitalism is wonderful if only we could all be capitalists. Of course, and plastic foods are much better than organic meals, children need candy and cell phones more than healthy diets and education, and people who feel persecuted need to form small groups with others who feel persecuted and begin persecuting other people who are blamed for their feelings of persecution, so long as those other people are members of their own class and not those high above them in the stratified structure of supposed equality that we call “ours”.
No wonder we are easy to shape into believers in outside enemies, inside conspiracies, incredible plots and supernatural disorders. Capitalism is not mysterious, occult or a secret cabal. It exists because most of us don't understand what it is and what it is doing to us and our world. We need to stop gasping, take several deep breaths and begin to think about who actually owns this country and how they got it and maintain their power over most of us with the system that serves their wealth and works against our need and desire for democracy and humanity . This system is slowly disintegrating over our heads and under our feet; it will only speed in its dissolution if we don't stop reacting to the most simplistic and emotional arguments for what seems to be wrong. We need a program of regular, thoughtful breathing that enables us to inhale personal reality and exhale social change.
Organizations exist and new ones are forming, both here and abroad, to transform material reality before it destroys us, and though none here are yet explicitly political parties, all are working for democracy whether they are calling for votes in an election or votes to support their organizing. We would do well to consider such organizations formed around the most special interest group: humanity, and not one or another identified sector chosen or ghettoized to think itself special, different or somehow more or less deserving of decency and comfort. All of us or none of us? That seems more apparent than ever before. At least to some of us, and we’d better transmit that message to others as relatively powerless as we have been, and stop treating them all as though they were our rulers.
Friday, July 16, 2010
From Garlic News: July 2010
Barack Schmulka Obama
Obama changes middle name to convince Jews he is not Muslim
After publicly stating that he feared his middle name was causing many jews to be suspicious of him as being a muslim , the president has changed it from Hussein to Schmulka.
“ I believe that by taking this ancient and honored Jewish name I can once and for all convince my very few lunatic Jewish detractors who logically feared that I might be a Muslim because of my other hate-speech name which I will no longer use and will hereafter be referred to as the “H” name, that I am truly devoted to Jews and Israel, as I have always been since long before this necessary name change.”
“Further, to convince some of my good lunatic friends on the right that I am not now nor have I ever been a socialist and have a life long dedication to capitalism, my two daughters are having dollar signs tattooed on their arms and I will proudly wear an American flag pin with a large dollar sign over my heart. I hope that in this spirit of bipartisan citizenship I can help bring Americans together in unity that crosses lines of race, creed , bankroll or intelligence and we can move on to make this country once again a beacon of light in a dimming universe with food for thought for the intellectually hungry and for people who need to stand up and be proud of what they once were but still are and when the day is done we can all join hands and say free at last free at least thank god almighty and whatever ...”
At this point the president stopped as the assembled Washington press corps spontaneously broke down into hysterical weeping at this emotional display by this most emotionally spell binding orator in the history of American presidents who engage in spell binding oratory . There were a few laughs coming from the back of the press room, but these were journalists from foreign countries representing the overwhelming majority of the global population, so who cares?
Tapped Phone Reveals Secret Conference Call With God
The celebrity gossip web site SPAMM (Scum, Pus and Mendacious Meretricia) has acquired a tape of what is said to be a conference call conversation between George Steinbrenner, Lebron James, Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson , Justin Bieber , Ann Coulter and god.
Experts have definitely identified what they believe to possibly be the supposed voices that may well be those of the previously named sort of celebrities, including the predeceased Steinbrenner. But none were able to make a firm case for the rather distant sounding and seemingly coming through an echo voice box amplifier feedback synthesizer cassette player as that of god. The Harvard gossip and paparazzi specialist professor Pablo von Shtupperman, said:
“We haven't heard god before so it’s tough to make a clear case for that being his voice but it was very authoritative sounding and the instructions given sounded very much like what one would imagine or think based on whatever prejudiced or small minded kind of person you were about what might have taken place if such a conversation were to have actually happened the way it was played and the way we hope it did because, you know, this is a really big deal.
I mean god didn’t seem to have any idea who Bieber was but called Tiger a good man and the greatest golfer ever and told Steinbrenner he was a super putz but could still get into heaven, and he said he’d like to boff Ann Coulter but she was definitely going downtown after that. And what was really interesting was how he seemed to just love Mel Gibson for making that film about his son. And he told Lebron to get out of Cleveland, that it was the dumbest town in America with the dumbest team owner. I mean how can you argue with that? Unless you come from Cleveland?
Israel Accuses the USA of anti-Semitism
Begins Blockade of Both Coasts
The U.S. has threatened to use “ all options” against Iran and since those options include nuclear weapons the Jewish state claims that this represents a threat to the thousands of jews who live there and have thus far refused to escape to Israel. *
“We cannot let this threat to the existential status of our people go unnoticed and until it changes the language of its defamation of Iran we will prevent anyone from getting in or out of the USA” said Israeli Field Marshal and holocaust survivor Tupperware von Blitzkrieg .
*As have most of the world’s jews.
Gulf Oil Gusher Stopped...Again
For the second, third or twenty fifth time, depending on who does the counting, a plastic solvent of iron based kryptonite derivation has caused the spewing disaster to slow down to only a few thousand gallons a day.
A government oil company press agent said “ this is much like the recession in that you know it shows signs of being over only until you notice signs that it isn't over. Economists, geologists, astronomers and religious fanatics are all in agreement that this is puzzling and while we feel we’re closer to a solution there is also fear that this could be the end of life on planet earth. But that is no reason to lose faith in oil stocks, Wall Street or the other foundations of all that makes life so wonderful.”
Election Year Gambit:
Democrat Judge Rules Illegal Immigrants Can Run for Office
In a move to maintain control of congress for corporate America the Democratic party has assured that illegal immigrants will not only be able to vote but also run for high political office.
”This is a great move for our country, for democracy and for sustaining power” said a party spokesperson who appeared on TV with a bag over his head and an audio scrambler making it impossible to identify his or her voice.
“ But we want our good friends on the lunatic right to know that if elected, further court rulings will make it impossible for illegals to serve in high public office”
The spokesperson also reassured the business community that this policy would not interfere with continued provision of the cheap labor provided by illegals which make profit margins possible in an increasingly difficult economic environment.
Late Bulletin:
ADL accuses liberals who oppose placing the ten commandments
in public buildings of practicing a less than subtle form of anti-Semitism and blood libel.
“Everyone knows those commandments were entrusted to Moses, who was jewish” said ADL lawyer and former Mafia advisor Guido Pasquale Lieberman
stay tuned for more news that really matters, from sources you can rely on, about things you won’t learn anywhere else...
Obama changes middle name to convince Jews he is not Muslim
After publicly stating that he feared his middle name was causing many jews to be suspicious of him as being a muslim , the president has changed it from Hussein to Schmulka.
“ I believe that by taking this ancient and honored Jewish name I can once and for all convince my very few lunatic Jewish detractors who logically feared that I might be a Muslim because of my other hate-speech name which I will no longer use and will hereafter be referred to as the “H” name, that I am truly devoted to Jews and Israel, as I have always been since long before this necessary name change.”
“Further, to convince some of my good lunatic friends on the right that I am not now nor have I ever been a socialist and have a life long dedication to capitalism, my two daughters are having dollar signs tattooed on their arms and I will proudly wear an American flag pin with a large dollar sign over my heart. I hope that in this spirit of bipartisan citizenship I can help bring Americans together in unity that crosses lines of race, creed , bankroll or intelligence and we can move on to make this country once again a beacon of light in a dimming universe with food for thought for the intellectually hungry and for people who need to stand up and be proud of what they once were but still are and when the day is done we can all join hands and say free at last free at least thank god almighty and whatever ...”
At this point the president stopped as the assembled Washington press corps spontaneously broke down into hysterical weeping at this emotional display by this most emotionally spell binding orator in the history of American presidents who engage in spell binding oratory . There were a few laughs coming from the back of the press room, but these were journalists from foreign countries representing the overwhelming majority of the global population, so who cares?
Tapped Phone Reveals Secret Conference Call With God
The celebrity gossip web site SPAMM (Scum, Pus and Mendacious Meretricia) has acquired a tape of what is said to be a conference call conversation between George Steinbrenner, Lebron James, Tiger Woods, Mel Gibson , Justin Bieber , Ann Coulter and god.
Experts have definitely identified what they believe to possibly be the supposed voices that may well be those of the previously named sort of celebrities, including the predeceased Steinbrenner. But none were able to make a firm case for the rather distant sounding and seemingly coming through an echo voice box amplifier feedback synthesizer cassette player as that of god. The Harvard gossip and paparazzi specialist professor Pablo von Shtupperman, said:
“We haven't heard god before so it’s tough to make a clear case for that being his voice but it was very authoritative sounding and the instructions given sounded very much like what one would imagine or think based on whatever prejudiced or small minded kind of person you were about what might have taken place if such a conversation were to have actually happened the way it was played and the way we hope it did because, you know, this is a really big deal.
I mean god didn’t seem to have any idea who Bieber was but called Tiger a good man and the greatest golfer ever and told Steinbrenner he was a super putz but could still get into heaven, and he said he’d like to boff Ann Coulter but she was definitely going downtown after that. And what was really interesting was how he seemed to just love Mel Gibson for making that film about his son. And he told Lebron to get out of Cleveland, that it was the dumbest town in America with the dumbest team owner. I mean how can you argue with that? Unless you come from Cleveland?
Israel Accuses the USA of anti-Semitism
Begins Blockade of Both Coasts
The U.S. has threatened to use “ all options” against Iran and since those options include nuclear weapons the Jewish state claims that this represents a threat to the thousands of jews who live there and have thus far refused to escape to Israel. *
“We cannot let this threat to the existential status of our people go unnoticed and until it changes the language of its defamation of Iran we will prevent anyone from getting in or out of the USA” said Israeli Field Marshal and holocaust survivor Tupperware von Blitzkrieg .
*As have most of the world’s jews.
Gulf Oil Gusher Stopped...Again
For the second, third or twenty fifth time, depending on who does the counting, a plastic solvent of iron based kryptonite derivation has caused the spewing disaster to slow down to only a few thousand gallons a day.
A government oil company press agent said “ this is much like the recession in that you know it shows signs of being over only until you notice signs that it isn't over. Economists, geologists, astronomers and religious fanatics are all in agreement that this is puzzling and while we feel we’re closer to a solution there is also fear that this could be the end of life on planet earth. But that is no reason to lose faith in oil stocks, Wall Street or the other foundations of all that makes life so wonderful.”
Election Year Gambit:
Democrat Judge Rules Illegal Immigrants Can Run for Office
In a move to maintain control of congress for corporate America the Democratic party has assured that illegal immigrants will not only be able to vote but also run for high political office.
”This is a great move for our country, for democracy and for sustaining power” said a party spokesperson who appeared on TV with a bag over his head and an audio scrambler making it impossible to identify his or her voice.
“ But we want our good friends on the lunatic right to know that if elected, further court rulings will make it impossible for illegals to serve in high public office”
The spokesperson also reassured the business community that this policy would not interfere with continued provision of the cheap labor provided by illegals which make profit margins possible in an increasingly difficult economic environment.
Late Bulletin:
ADL accuses liberals who oppose placing the ten commandments
in public buildings of practicing a less than subtle form of anti-Semitism and blood libel.
“Everyone knows those commandments were entrusted to Moses, who was jewish” said ADL lawyer and former Mafia advisor Guido Pasquale Lieberman
stay tuned for more news that really matters, from sources you can rely on, about things you won’t learn anywhere else...
Saturday, July 3, 2010
USA: The Lonely Community
Now that our leader has made another in a series of great speeches for people who can’t hear, our problems with illegal immigration will soon be over. And we have a new general in charge of the blood bath in Afghanistan, so things will move more swiftly toward victory for truth, justice and the American way. If that’s what you think, put however many teeth you have left under your pillow and expect the tooth fairy to leave you hundreds of shares of stock in British Petroleum. Those who accuse our president of being weak or gutless can now see that he is actually a bold, take charge kind of guy, just what we need at this critical time in our history. And if you believe that you may as well place your entire body under that pillow.
But seriously, what does all this mean and where are we headed?
Are those liberals suffering endless fear-of-their-own-shadow syndrome correct to think there is an armed uprising threatened by right wing militias and a chance for a military coup?
Or are those conservatives afflicted with eternal intellectual constipation correct to think the nation is being led to a communist-socialist-Muslim dictatorship that will soon have us all in work camps, penal colonies or alien prayer groups?
Is the disastrous oil gusher in the gulf a sign of the end of life as we know it or simply a good reason to drill further away from shore?
Does finance capital’s increasing control of the political economy mean Obama is the reincarnation of Stalin?
Are we in the process of seeking personal success and self- esteem as hyphenated individuals while suffering the total loss of our social capacity to reason?
The facts are that we’re in very deep trouble and if we don't start moving more quickly toward transformation of our political economic system things that seem frightening now may soon become nightmares from which we are unable to awaken. There are signs of hope, and not only from foreign places where they usually emanate, but from right here in the USA.
The meeting of the U.S. Social Forum in Detroit, the second such gathering in the USA, brought together hundreds from across the globe with thousands here under the banner "Another World is Possible, Another U.S. is Necessary", in meetings devoted to working for just such a transformation. While our mind managers fill our heads with recycled news waste about the G20 meetings in Toronto, budgets that will never be balanced and foreign wars that may never end, the necessity for humanity to wrest power from the hands of minorities devoted to profit and domination was never more essential. The attendees of the United States Social Forum (USSF) plan to do just this – beginning on a more local level.
That is an especially tall order given our fractured population, divided and nearly conquered by being manipulated into alienated identity groups taught to worship anything but common interest and class solidarity.
As a nation of competing individuals in a free market culture where there is no such thing as a free lunch we are supposed to be hyphenated Americans, Balkanized even while extolling what are called patriotic American values. Those values would seem to be of war and separatism concerning sex, religion, race, caste, hobbies and more, but without a thought given to class interest, which isn't supposed to exist at all in our one nation of one people dreamland. Is it any wonder we sometimes sound like seriously disturbed people? We are disturbed and we have a right to be, but not about what they tell us is disturbing.
People are led to worry about public debt with little concern about what the debt pays for. Government spending is under attack without notice that most of that spending is for war and finance capital bailouts, while budgets for social service are being slashed. Otherwise intelligent people are led to believe the most fantastic and irrational nonsense under the stress and strain of a political media consciousness control apparatus that warns of a non existent Iranian threat while it lavishes praise on an Israeli state scorned and despised by most of the world for its irrational and murderous behavior. We are told that increasing the blood bath in Afghanistan will create democracy and friendship for our nation among the people we are killing, and some of us actually believe that is the case. As we allegedly fight against terrorism in other parts of the world, we are extending the threat to within our own country, with terrorists being born and bred right here in the USA.
The cliché is that it’s always darkest just before the dawn, and it is getting much darker out there. We need to turn on the lights. We need a movement to benefit all of us and not just some of us and it is in process of forming .The sooner we can look past self-ish propaganda manipulation and see that personal survival is dependent on social change, the sooner we’ll become a human community with some chance of success.
But seriously, what does all this mean and where are we headed?
Are those liberals suffering endless fear-of-their-own-shadow syndrome correct to think there is an armed uprising threatened by right wing militias and a chance for a military coup?
Or are those conservatives afflicted with eternal intellectual constipation correct to think the nation is being led to a communist-socialist-Muslim dictatorship that will soon have us all in work camps, penal colonies or alien prayer groups?
Is the disastrous oil gusher in the gulf a sign of the end of life as we know it or simply a good reason to drill further away from shore?
Does finance capital’s increasing control of the political economy mean Obama is the reincarnation of Stalin?
Are we in the process of seeking personal success and self- esteem as hyphenated individuals while suffering the total loss of our social capacity to reason?
The facts are that we’re in very deep trouble and if we don't start moving more quickly toward transformation of our political economic system things that seem frightening now may soon become nightmares from which we are unable to awaken. There are signs of hope, and not only from foreign places where they usually emanate, but from right here in the USA.
The meeting of the U.S. Social Forum in Detroit, the second such gathering in the USA, brought together hundreds from across the globe with thousands here under the banner "Another World is Possible, Another U.S. is Necessary", in meetings devoted to working for just such a transformation. While our mind managers fill our heads with recycled news waste about the G20 meetings in Toronto, budgets that will never be balanced and foreign wars that may never end, the necessity for humanity to wrest power from the hands of minorities devoted to profit and domination was never more essential. The attendees of the United States Social Forum (USSF) plan to do just this – beginning on a more local level.
That is an especially tall order given our fractured population, divided and nearly conquered by being manipulated into alienated identity groups taught to worship anything but common interest and class solidarity.
As a nation of competing individuals in a free market culture where there is no such thing as a free lunch we are supposed to be hyphenated Americans, Balkanized even while extolling what are called patriotic American values. Those values would seem to be of war and separatism concerning sex, religion, race, caste, hobbies and more, but without a thought given to class interest, which isn't supposed to exist at all in our one nation of one people dreamland. Is it any wonder we sometimes sound like seriously disturbed people? We are disturbed and we have a right to be, but not about what they tell us is disturbing.
People are led to worry about public debt with little concern about what the debt pays for. Government spending is under attack without notice that most of that spending is for war and finance capital bailouts, while budgets for social service are being slashed. Otherwise intelligent people are led to believe the most fantastic and irrational nonsense under the stress and strain of a political media consciousness control apparatus that warns of a non existent Iranian threat while it lavishes praise on an Israeli state scorned and despised by most of the world for its irrational and murderous behavior. We are told that increasing the blood bath in Afghanistan will create democracy and friendship for our nation among the people we are killing, and some of us actually believe that is the case. As we allegedly fight against terrorism in other parts of the world, we are extending the threat to within our own country, with terrorists being born and bred right here in the USA.
The cliché is that it’s always darkest just before the dawn, and it is getting much darker out there. We need to turn on the lights. We need a movement to benefit all of us and not just some of us and it is in process of forming .The sooner we can look past self-ish propaganda manipulation and see that personal survival is dependent on social change, the sooner we’ll become a human community with some chance of success.
FROM THE GARLIC NEWS BUREAU
Bernard Madoff has demanded a new trial in which he can investigate himself in the moral and intellectual spirit of Israel's investigating its attack on Gaza Freedom Flotilla ships in international waters.
“ I dealt with many international investors, therefore I should have the right to judge whether they were ripped off or not.”
Goldman Sachs has found itself not guilty of any wrong doing in the financial marketing of derivatives and other mathematically speculative manipulations of the Wall Street casino. “ We examined all the books closely and came to the conclusion that we were fair, above board and not guilty of anything ” said company spokesperson Benedict Arnold Ponzi .
President Obama announced that there would be a full investigation of President Bush and Vice President Cheney . The investigation will be conducted by President Bush and Vice President Cheney.
Israel to allow more humanitarian goods into Gaza
The Jewish state announced that it would permit the people of Gaza more life sustaining materials as long as they were not usable for acts of terror. It will now allow Gaza to receive limited supplies of kreploch, pastrami, hamintosch , Levy’s Jewish Rye and Mogen David wine. “They can have good jewish meals and no one can drink enough of that wine to get drunk on it and threaten to exterminate anything except their own digestive tract” said Menasha Pipick, director of the Jewish foreign policy agency, Meshuginah
Brand New Three State Solution proposed for Middle East
New York , California and Florida suggested as permanent home for Jews.
Palestinians and American realtors rejoice.
Zionist congress uncertain whether to charge anti-Semitism or praise philo-Semitism.
Main stream media asks ” what’s a philo-semite?”
The Department of Politically Correct Speech rules that:
illegal immigrants must be referred to as Undocumented Workers,
illegal drug dealers as Undocumented Pharmacists,
and illegal sex workers as Undocumented Sex Therapists.
And all those reduced to unemployment by the recession will be called Research Consultants or Freelance Entrepreneurs.
New state budgets cut social spending for hospitals, schools, libraries and other wasteful public institutions. Citizens are urged to patronize private businesses which offer needed goods and services like pet food, massage therapy, cosmetic surgery and golf lessons. ”We need to trim the fat and speed up our economic recovery ” said Governor Oligarch, chair of the Committee for Permanent Market Stability (PMS)
LIBERALS DEMAND GULF OIL GUSHER BE STOPPED BY CRAMMING TEA PARTY ADVOCATES INTO HOLE...
CONSERVATIVES CALL FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS - um - UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS TO BE USED AS STUFFING...
OBAMA TAKES MIDDLE GROUND URGING HAMAS, HEZBOLLAH AND IRANIANS BE JAMMED INTO APERTURE...
LATE BREAKING ITEMS
Holocaust survivor sexually molested by Catholic priest
details at 10
Obesity epidemic: USA suffers massive outbreak of deadly Girth Defects
details at 11
Stay Tuned for Debate between theist supporters of intelligent design of the universe and atheist supporters of unintelligent design of the universe... Big Boom vs Big Bang, to a finish, no thoughts barred unless they make sense... details between one o’clock
Goldman Sachs has found itself not guilty of any wrong doing in the financial marketing of derivatives and other mathematically speculative manipulations of the Wall Street casino. “ We examined all the books closely and came to the conclusion that we were fair, above board and not guilty of anything ” said company spokesperson Benedict Arnold Ponzi .
President Obama announced that there would be a full investigation of President Bush and Vice President Cheney . The investigation will be conducted by President Bush and Vice President Cheney.
Israel to allow more humanitarian goods into Gaza
The Jewish state announced that it would permit the people of Gaza more life sustaining materials as long as they were not usable for acts of terror. It will now allow Gaza to receive limited supplies of kreploch, pastrami, hamintosch , Levy’s Jewish Rye and Mogen David wine. “They can have good jewish meals and no one can drink enough of that wine to get drunk on it and threaten to exterminate anything except their own digestive tract” said Menasha Pipick, director of the Jewish foreign policy agency, Meshuginah
Brand New Three State Solution proposed for Middle East
New York , California and Florida suggested as permanent home for Jews.
Palestinians and American realtors rejoice.
Zionist congress uncertain whether to charge anti-Semitism or praise philo-Semitism.
Main stream media asks ” what’s a philo-semite?”
The Department of Politically Correct Speech rules that:
illegal immigrants must be referred to as Undocumented Workers,
illegal drug dealers as Undocumented Pharmacists,
and illegal sex workers as Undocumented Sex Therapists.
And all those reduced to unemployment by the recession will be called Research Consultants or Freelance Entrepreneurs.
New state budgets cut social spending for hospitals, schools, libraries and other wasteful public institutions. Citizens are urged to patronize private businesses which offer needed goods and services like pet food, massage therapy, cosmetic surgery and golf lessons. ”We need to trim the fat and speed up our economic recovery ” said Governor Oligarch, chair of the Committee for Permanent Market Stability (PMS)
LIBERALS DEMAND GULF OIL GUSHER BE STOPPED BY CRAMMING TEA PARTY ADVOCATES INTO HOLE...
CONSERVATIVES CALL FOR ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS - um - UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS TO BE USED AS STUFFING...
OBAMA TAKES MIDDLE GROUND URGING HAMAS, HEZBOLLAH AND IRANIANS BE JAMMED INTO APERTURE...
LATE BREAKING ITEMS
Holocaust survivor sexually molested by Catholic priest
details at 10
Obesity epidemic: USA suffers massive outbreak of deadly Girth Defects
details at 11
Stay Tuned for Debate between theist supporters of intelligent design of the universe and atheist supporters of unintelligent design of the universe... Big Boom vs Big Bang, to a finish, no thoughts barred unless they make sense... details between one o’clock
Friday, July 2, 2010
the logic of our economy in one headline...
----- Forwarded Message -----
From: "ABC World News with Diane Sawyer" <abcnewsnow-editor@mail.abcnews.go.com>
To: frankscott@comcast.net
Subject: Breaking News Fri., July 2, 2010
Breaking News from ABCNEWS.com:
Employers Slash 125,000 Jobs in June; Unemployment Rate Drops to 9.5 Percent [8:33 a.m. ET]
For more on this and other breaking news go to ABCNews.com: http://abcnews.go.com?nwltr=bn
From: "ABC World News with Diane Sawyer" <abcnewsnow-editor@mail.abcnews.go.com>
To: frankscott@comcast.net
Subject: Breaking News Fri., July 2, 2010
Breaking News from ABCNEWS.com:
Employers Slash 125,000 Jobs in June; Unemployment Rate Drops to 9.5 Percent [8:33 a.m. ET]
For more on this and other breaking news go to ABCNews.com: http://abcnews.go.com?nwltr=bn
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