Most Hilarious NYTimes Headline Of The Year..So Far

Have Democrats Pulled Too Far Left?

In Busy Silicon Valley, Protein Powder Is in Demand

Boom times in Silicon Valley call for hard work, and hard work — at least in technology land — means that coders, engineers and venture capitalists are turning to liquid meals with names like Schmoylent, Soylent, Schmilk and People Chow. The protein-packed products that come in powder form are inexpensive and quick and easy to make — just shake with water, or in the case of Schmilk, milk.

The latest product introduced to this market by 12 year old billionaire  Adam Zuckerdick, "Schmuck", promises to  satisfy dietary, psychological and sexual needs making it possible to work without stopping for longer periods.

"Brilliant techies will only need brief naps once or twice a week since Schmuck comes in breast form with  nipple dispensers so sucking can go on while programming" said Zuckerdick, " satisfying nutritional needs and pacifying as it gives a little sex kick as well."

Orders for the new product have come from Day Care Centers and Elementary Schools as well as leading colleges and universities where the next generation - if there is to be one - of genius tech  zillionaires are in training.

Aw C'mon..You Know How Hard The IMF Works?

Breaking news
Greece will not make June IMF repayment — interior minister
Greece has again threatened to default on loan repayments due to the International Monetary Fund, saying it will be unable to meet pension and wage bills in June and also reimburse €1.6bn owed to the Fund without a bailout deal with creditors. What's more important? People's salaries, wages and benefits? Or paying off International Banking and Finance? Where are your values, Greece? Screw the people! Das Kapital.

Toilet instructions for armed police at US Capitol

Armed police officers in Washington DC are being trained in how to use public toilets without leaving guns behind.The US Capitol police have accidentally left their guns in the building's toilets three times in 2015.

The officers involved have been disciplined. One gun was found by a child.

"We are now providing additional training on what to do when you have to go to the bathroom," Capitol Police Chief Kim C Dine told Congress.


Among the lessons for officers needing toilet training:

do not point gun at genitals while urinating

make sure no tell tale drippings remain on your pants

only use toilet paper to blow your nose before, not after wiping

wash hands before leaving

resume menacing patrol stance, glare at potential perps, and try not to look like a fucking asshole

Just As We Were About To Spend More $ We Don't Have:

Breaking news
Fed minutes show recovery doubts
Doubts about the strength of the US recovery appeared to grow among Federal Reserve policymakers in their latest rate-setting meeting as soggy economic data pushed back the prospects of a near-term rate hike.

U.S. Special Forces Kill Senior ISIS Leader in Syria, Pentagon Says

Yippee...

Now, just like the war on terror ended when they "got" Osama, it will end again now that they got "SeniorISISLeader".

Right?

Also, the recession is over, again, still, yet, and, um, the war on terror may need a few thousand more troops and a few hundred billion more dollars just to wrap things up, like the recession, and, uh, just move along nothing to see here.

Headlines That Make You Go "HuH?"

Democrats Balk at Sparing Only Military Spending From Mandated Cuts By EMMARIE HUETTEMAN and ASHLEY PARKER As lawmakers considered the annual Pentagon budget, Democrats said they opposed Republican efforts to keep military funding insulated.

Obama Pledges More Military Aid to Reassure Persian Gulf Allies on Iran Deal By JULIE HIRSCHFELD DAVIS and DAVID E. SANGER President Obama met with representatives of six Persian Gulf nations at Camp David, seeking to convince them of Washington's commitment to their security.

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Art & Design

Christie’s Has Art World’s First $1 Billion Week

MAY 13, 2015

Photo

Jussi Pylkkanen led the postwar and contemporary art auction at Christie's on Wednesday night. Credit Kevin Hagen for The New York Times

It was a week the art world had never seen before. For the first time, an auction house sold more than $1 billion of art — over three days at that — a vast outpouring of money that amazed even the wealthy and celebrities who flocked to the auction floor.

Wowee! Student loan debtors, homeless people, the unemployed and under employed joined with cheap labor immigrants and cheap lived minorities in singing the praises of our economic system and exceptional country. 

Hey, we've got the NRA and same sex marriage, we spend more than fifty billion on our pets, maintain more than six hundred military bases all over the world and spend trillions on war to be waged by multi-cultural forces. How many other nations can do that and still have a population left over to spend this much on, um, art?

Keeping It Real On Mother's Day: Giving Birth To A Decent Society

"Our goal should be an egalitarian, communitarian, environmentally conscious socialism, with a variety of productive forms, offering economic security, political democracy, and vital protection for the ecological system that sustains us. What is needed . . . . is widespread organizing not only around particular issues but for a movement that can project the great necessity for democratic change, a movement ready to embrace new alternatives, including public ownership of major corporations and worker control of production. With time and struggle, we might hope that people will become increasingly intolerant of the growing injustices of the reactionary and inequitable free market system and will move toward a profoundly democratic solution. Perhaps then the day will come, as it came in social orders of the past, when those who seem invincible will be shaken from their pinnacles."

-----Michael Parenti, Profit Pathology And Other Indecencies

Business is Business

Global spending on cancer drugs surges to $100bn

Andrew Ward, Pharmaceuticals Correspondent

Global annual spending on cancer drugs has hit $100bn for the first time as the pharmaceuticals industry prepares to launch a fresh generation of treatments that promise to push costs even higher.
The record 2014 figure marks a 10 per cent increase from a year earlier, largely due to rising drug prices and increased incidence of cancer.

Hey, if rising prices coincide with rising incidence, more drugs at even higher prices will mean more cancer, more jobs, more profits ..

aint capitalism great?

Not Ferguson, Baltimore, or the Police: It’s the USA

Once again, a black man innocent of any crime is dead, a city torn by outbursts of anger, but the nation hopefully pushed to acting on a reality. America has many serious problems, high among them de-humanized race relations. But none of those problems are removed from the political economics that make us a nation under the control of minority wealth in a system which enables some to do very well, some not very well, a small minority to live in luxury beyond belief and a larger minority to live in miserable poverty.

To believe that such a place is an exceptional democratic nation striving towards equality for all, as our bi-partisan leadership regularly claims, is to believe the tooth fairy created the world. What has been advertised as an American dream of comfort and security for citizens moves closer to becoming an American nightmare of, at best, unpayable debt for consumers, and at worst, being murdered by public servants.

The latest headlined tragedy in Baltimore should help us concentrate less on simply finding guilty individuals and institutional servants, all of whom can act no differently as long as the present system prevails, and more on total transformation of that system.

In the action taken to charge six officers in the death of Freddy Gray it is notable that three were “people of color” – presently acceptable divisive terminology even if implying they were green or blue - and one was a woman. This alleged gender and racial balance in the police force is a form of what is called affirmative action, but it did absolutely nothing to affirm the life of Freddie Gray. Changing the skin tone or sex of the work force in the military, at the bank, among our clerks, scientists, cab drivers, teachers or pet trainers does nothing to change the foundation of the system. Integrating our workforce so that more members of one or another minority and one majority sex occupy equal roles in dispensing the wonders, joys and benefits of the market place while also seeing to it that people remain homeless, alienated, poor, and too often, dead, only represent progress and equality to the demented.

Whether we murder people here or in far greater numbers in foreign countries, rest assured their loved ones don’t feel better because members of a multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, multi-racial, gay, straight or neuter minority may have played a role in killing them.

While Baltimore authorities initially reacted in near panic, calling for martial law over a serious situation that warranted thought and not infantile racism, the charges against the officers brought a measure of reason and an attempt at getting to justice. But the city in which a man was killed after being arrested for an imaginary crime having more to do with what he looked like to the police – three of whom looked like him – has suffered particular economic pain during a time in which Baltimore experienced the fate of many former industrial centers in America.

When corporations moved to cheaper, more profitable foreign labor markets and dumped workers and communities in the USA, we were told by economic servants of capital that manufacturing was an outmoded process no longer necessary. Now we had to develop computers, smart phones and apps to do everything for us and didn’t need old mechanical devices. Sure. So the industries went to foreign countries which also, coincidentally, produce the electronics we use to order pizzas, aim drones, open garage doors before we get home and make coffee before we wake up in the morning. The economic blight that was the fate of places like Detroit and Baltimore reduced once reasonably prosperous areas to near degradation, poverty, high unemployment, low social esteem and crime. This is often written off to racism alone but we need a broader view of america than one defined only by one or another minority, especially when that view excludes the most powerful minority which profits most from social destruction: the wealthiest tiny percentile at the top of the economy.

Given our wretched history of slavery and its generational impact still only dealt with by greeting card slogans and divisive programs, “people of color” suffer most. And even minimal affirmation for some has been accompanied by maximum negation for most.

Great improvement in social status and material standards have been gained through Affirmative Action programs, and these mostly to women even more than the blacks they were originally intended for, but there have been great losses and more suffering for those who continue to receive negative action from the system of private profits for a minority and public loss for most.

The professional and upper middle class population among African Americans – what people of color or blacks are called when they reach that state – has grown but at the same time the population of poor, unemployed, and imprisoned black americans has skyrocketed beyond the numbers that existed even under apartheid racism of the past.

Obama in the white house, blacks in positions of authority in government, in law and at the university mean nothing at all to the black men regularly shot dead in the streets, or in the Baltimore case who die while being taken to jail. Our prisons are so crowded we are among the most jailed population in what is called the civilized world. And the number of those prisoners who have darker skin are out of all proportion to their percentage in the population at large. Race looms very large in this ugly picture, but economics looms even larger and concentration on only one to the exclusion of the other means continued injustice, perhaps unequally distributed but universally felt.

Black lives do indeed matter, but they won’t if we concentrate on the police departments without noticing who and what the departments work for. War does not happen because armies decide to go to foreign countries to kill people and the police are the local armies of capital, composed of good people and bad, like bus drivers, teachers and the rest of us. They work for a living. At least if they have jobs. We need democratic control of that process to make all life matter.

Bulletin..Not From The Garlic..From Major Media!!!

News Alert Sat., May. 02, 2015 6:18 a.m. Duchess of Cambridge gives birth to a girl
    
   

The Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to a baby girl Saturday morning at the Lindo Wing of St. Mary's Hospital in London. The princess is the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's second child and will be fourth in line to the British throne.


Americans were also advised that three thousand dogs and two thousand cats had just been born and videos of their frolics, adventures and psychological crises would be available ASAP.