Muslim Film Outlines Jewish Threat to USA
“Don’t Eat That Pastrami”, a documentary financed by the International Islamic Conspiracy To Take Over The World And Forbid Eating Pork ( the notorious IICTTOTWAFEP) has been shown to New York City school teachers as an instructional aid to a healthy diet but is actually a threat to US-Israeli relations.
The film mentions control of the American government by Jews with dual citizenship and proposes that American interests are threatened by such anti-democratic means as involving the USA in wars against Islam that cost billions, kill thousands and alienate most of the world.
The two hour film, with ominous, eerie, sinister and menacing sound track music and countless images of Semitic looking bankers and merchants who are not Arabs also features a short lecture on why pork isn’t good for you, which fooled the Board of Education into approving its use in the school system.
Reels of the film were taken to Central Park and burned in a religious ceremony witnessed by the New York City council, the Mayor , members of Congregation Beth Midler and several squirrels, but authorities fear that DVD copies may be in the hands of New York cabdrivers who sympathize with the racist sentiments of the film. “It may already be too late” warned Holocaust survivor Fox Abeman.
New Environmental Threat: Political Gas Shortage
After the recent State of the Union address by the president and several debates among Republicans applying for his job, the EPA announced that national supplies of political gas were at record lows which threatened long periods of silent politicians from now through the election in November.
A poll found 99% of Americans strongly in support of the shortage , marking the first time an environmental crisis has enjoyed such one sided favor. “We need more crises like this” said a woman who wore a gas mask during the debates and the president’s speech but was now happy to go about breathing freely.
Joint Chiefs Pledge End To Policy Of Urinating On The Dead
Military leaders from all branches of the service expressed support for continued mass murders according to accepted civilized rules of war but promised that American military personnel would no longer be allowed to urinate on people after they had killed them.
“If some angry soldier pisses on an enemy while that enemy is still alive, that will be okay but we will not tolerate degrading the dead by such disrespectfulness” said Joint Chief spokesperson Admiral General Flight Commander Hillary Eunice Chan von Santos.
Debt Limit Raised to 16.4 Trillion for Government And 1 Million for Individuals
Economic economists at the Economic Institute for Economic Recovery of the Economy hailed the increase. Nobel prize winning Director of the EIRE Dr. Wilhelm Shtuperman said “This will bring the economy back from the dead and enable consumers to shop until they drop before banks urinate on them.” Wall Street responded by laughing and introducing a new Derivative Hedge Borrowing Loaning fund scheme called The Madoff. Investors will be able to borrow money and then loan it to themselves in order to hedge against inflation by cashing in the loans from other borrowers before the borrowed money is due to be paid to the, um, original loaner of the borrowed money and anyway it will work with the new raised levels of debt so Shtuperman says just buy lots and lots of stuff with your new raised credit limit and charge it and don’t worry until the bubble bill comes due, which shouldn’t be for a while if the national debt can be raised to 20 trillion before the end of the year and we can get a bailout before the next war in Asia, Africa, Europe, South America or Outer Space.