Reading through the transcript of Charlie Gibson's September 11 interview with Sarah Palin gives an excellent view of corporate contempt for any form of populism. Rather than practice journalistic impartiality, Gibson prefers to frame questions that he hopes will make Palin look bad. He starts off asking her if she regards herself as truly qualified to be vice-president, and when she replies that she does, he asks her if it didn't take some "hubris" on her part to accept McCain's offer to be his running mate. Gibson could just as easily have asked her if it didn't take some nerve to accept the offer, but this much more common word would not have stood as good a chance of making Palin appear "ignorant," which is what Gibson was eager to do.
Gibson asks Palin if being commander of the Alaskan National Guard and hailing from a state so close to Russia are sufficient "credentials" to be vice-president in "a very dangerous world." He neglects to cite any evidence that support his assumption that "credentials" result in superior political judgment and better foreign policy. The long history of bloody U.S. interventions carried out by U.S. presidents and their cabinet secretaries strongly suggests that there is no positive correlation between establishment credentials and good government, quite the contrary. But Gibson either doesn't know or doesn't care about this. Furthermore, his use of the cliche "dangerous world" shows him to be an eager recipient of ideological hand-me-downs, and his lack of awareness of the massive contribution U.S. foreign policy makes to keeping the world far more dangerous than it needs to be highlights a very bi-partisan ignorance.
Gibson asks Palin if she has ever met a foreign head of state, as though meeting heads of state were a pre-requisite to international understanding, or even just made such understanding more likely. There is no evidence that suggests this would be the case. There are far better questions that Gibson left unasked, such as, "What should our policy be in Palestine?" Why didn't Gibson ask such an obvious question? Osama bin Laden has made it very clear that USrael's conquest of Palestine is a major grievance leading to attacks such as occurred on 911, and the Palin interview was conducted on the anniversary of those attacks, yet Gibson asks nothing about what is widely regarded as the "mother question" in the Middle East. His only interest in Middle East policy is to ask what to do about the allegedly "existential" threat Iran poses to Israel. He cites no evidence that Iran's nuclear program has or intends to produce an atomic bomb, merely assumes we are faced with a "nuclear Iran," with "nuclear" intended to be understood as nuclear weapon, not nuclear electricity. Furthermore, he uses the word terrorist uncritically, offering no definition of the term that would allow us to acquit the Bush Administration of the charge that it is a terrorist government for having killed hundreds of thousands of civilians and invaded a sovereign nation without provocation. In short, Gibson thinks ideologically, which is not what allegedly professional journalists beholden to value-free information gathering techniques are supposed to do.
On Iran, Gibson is completely subservient to the Israel lobby's view of the country. Here is how he asks about what the U.S. response to a nuclear Iran should be: "What if Israel decided it felt threatened and needed to take out the Iranian nuclear facilities?" (italics added)
It is difficult not to be troubled by this response. Just how does one decide to feel something? And since when do feelings dictate bombing raids on foreign nations? Gibson is so intent on revealing Palin to be a moron that he overlooks his own stupidity.
Gibson quotes Palin saying that U.S. leaders are sending soldiers "on a task that is from God" and asks her, "are we fighting a Holy War?" That political leaders regard war as sacred is not exactly news, so what is the point of the question? It can only be to discredit Palin for her strong Christian beliefs. But how are these beliefs any more politically dangerous than the conviction of virtually the entire political class that Israel is a Holy State? In his memoirs Jimmy Carter says Israel was "ordained by God." Nevertheless, Carter is not discredited for having made this claim, but for having pointed out that Israel is an apartheid state (though Carter believes that it is so only in the Occupied Territories). That Israel can torture and murder on a massive scale largely thanks to the "humanitarian" aid flowing by the billions from Washington and the tax exempt contributions of American Jewish donors, ought to be at least as alarming as Palin's belief that U.S. soldiers are on a Divine Mission, but Gibson is entirely unconcerned about it.
After Palin states that she would favor putting Georgia and Ukraine in NATO, Gibson asks whether the U.S. wouldn't then be obligated to intervene militarily to protect Georgia against Russia. His only expressed concern is whether or not such a war would be "worth it" to the United States. The lack of any moral concern in the exercise of force is exactly what allows the Bush neo-cons to masquerade as ethical idealists bringing democracy to a "backward" Middle East (except for Israel), but again, Gibson shows no concern about this, persisting in his "realist" political line. That the U.S. has supported the most reactionary political forces in Central Asia for decades, amassing a staggering civilian death toll, is not mentioned by Gibson, a rather significant omission of essential background information that makes it impossible for viewers to judge the policy question properly. And let us recall the by now classic statement on mass murder of civilians being "worth it" to the United States. Asked in 1996 by Leslie Stahl on 60 Minutes whether the economic sanctions on Iraq that killed "more children than died in Hiroshima" was truly worth whatever political gain the policy was alleged to have achieved, then Secretary of State Madeleine Albright responded, "we think the price is worth it." This is the realist philosophy that presumes itself qualified to lead us to a bright future.
Furthermore, Gibson's use of the term "existential" to refer to the alleged threat that Iran poses to Israel is itself part of a religious ideology that holds the West possessed of civilized values and the Islamic republics permeated by wickedness that can only be overcome by force. Until this backward Western theology receives the attention it deserves we will all be caught up in Holy Wars that enrich the few and bring anguish to the many.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Socialism or Barbarism
Recent events solidify America's position as foremost practitioner of hypocritical policies which would be laughable if they weren't so dangerous. A nation that destroyed Yugoslavia in alleged defense of breakaway efforts by Kosovo can express horror at seeing Russia support breakaway states from Georgia. Russia’s possible over reaction but completely understandable crushing of Georgia over its attack on Ossetia, revealed the ridiculous military defense fiction of NATO in its imitation of America’s leading politicians - No Action, Talk Only. That helpless creature of the 20th century becomes more useless in the 21st.
While the dreadful Bush regime nears its end, the policies in place since long before it took power will continue destroying the American empire no matter which new gang attempts to control the crumbling operation. But so long as major media serve as stenographers for establishment power, the public will continue to be treated as preschool children and given naps between sweet treats and nursery rhymes. In fact, if we let under paid child care workers take over our government and media, we’d all be much better served.
Reference to an alleged Russian power play by political and media mind managers can lead people to swallow the worst forms of fantasy as representations of reality. The english speaking Georgian president who regularly cites american political heroes as models for what he calls his democracy is a case in point. Try imagining an American president speaking Russian and quoting Stalin and Lenin as his heroes and you get some idea of the suspension of thought needed to accept this lap dog as an actual leader of his people, and not an agent of fast fading western imperialism.
Many of us, especially our major party presidential tickets, believe that the awesome majesty of the universe was created by something with a penis, so nothing should surprise us when we who vote for them swallow the fantastic fables and lunatic legends perpetuated by our consciousness controllers. No better example, perhaps even beyond the foreign policy fiasco of Russia and Georgia, exists than the recently completed conventions of our ruling Hypocratic and Theocratic parties. These massive tv productions, with programmed crowds that make a reality tv show audience seem like a bunch of hermeneutics of philosophy grad students, approach the spectacle of American Idol or the Olympics but with less real meaning.
Accepting an increase in warfare in Afghanistan so we can decrease warfare in Iraq as its hopeful signs of “change we can believe in”, the ecstatic crowd at the Hypocratic Con indulged in group hysteria over selection of our first semi-black candidate, who will do exactly what his white owners demand. This amounts to positive change in a population reduced to finding progress in the look of a performer, while totally neglecting the substance of actual performance.
Meanwhile, the Theocratic party gang picked a previously unknown woman from Alaska for vice president, stressing the importance of whether the mens or ladyies room is used before the executive sends troops to their death. Should the Theocratic ticket somehow succeed - against all odds but given the dreadful nature of the Hypocrats, all things are possible - many may wish for a quick demise at the top so that this woman can take over and quickly bring down the entire facade of empire. While opposition hit teams dig up dirt and trash her character, she may turn out to be the closest thing to an average american in the entire multi billion dollar fiasco. She certainly believes in the penis bearing creator of all and everything, opposes abortion, shoots guns, supports the market, loves Israel and has a family. Perfect. She could take over tomorrow.
But seriously folks, as the old comics used to say, what can we do about a situation that gets crazier and more frightening even as mainstream mind shapers depict it as logical, democratic and sanity enhancing? More than ever, we need to question everything we are told by major media and our corporate government and to believe nothing until we are convinced by material evidence from sources we can trust. This means we should also question some of the gibberish that poses as independent media or online detective work, since many of the stories carried are on a par with the science fiction and fantasy we are given by our main stream consciousness corporadoes. Be critical and skeptical of all, and if you haven't the time to investigate, find someone you trust who has the time. And then continue being careful and critical of that source.
This government is a tragedy but it will be followed by one that is as tragic in that it will support the system with only cosmetic changes that may please some sectors - temporarily - while destroying others. Which is exactly what we are doing now, and have done for far too long. It is fast coming to a point at which we, and all inhabitants of the planet will have to act as though it’s all of us or none of us. And in the words of Rosa Luxemburg in the 20th century, echoed by Hugo Chavez, Evo Morales and growing numbers around the world in the 21st, we will face a choice: socialism or barbarism.
While the dreadful Bush regime nears its end, the policies in place since long before it took power will continue destroying the American empire no matter which new gang attempts to control the crumbling operation. But so long as major media serve as stenographers for establishment power, the public will continue to be treated as preschool children and given naps between sweet treats and nursery rhymes. In fact, if we let under paid child care workers take over our government and media, we’d all be much better served.
Reference to an alleged Russian power play by political and media mind managers can lead people to swallow the worst forms of fantasy as representations of reality. The english speaking Georgian president who regularly cites american political heroes as models for what he calls his democracy is a case in point. Try imagining an American president speaking Russian and quoting Stalin and Lenin as his heroes and you get some idea of the suspension of thought needed to accept this lap dog as an actual leader of his people, and not an agent of fast fading western imperialism.
Many of us, especially our major party presidential tickets, believe that the awesome majesty of the universe was created by something with a penis, so nothing should surprise us when we who vote for them swallow the fantastic fables and lunatic legends perpetuated by our consciousness controllers. No better example, perhaps even beyond the foreign policy fiasco of Russia and Georgia, exists than the recently completed conventions of our ruling Hypocratic and Theocratic parties. These massive tv productions, with programmed crowds that make a reality tv show audience seem like a bunch of hermeneutics of philosophy grad students, approach the spectacle of American Idol or the Olympics but with less real meaning.
Accepting an increase in warfare in Afghanistan so we can decrease warfare in Iraq as its hopeful signs of “change we can believe in”, the ecstatic crowd at the Hypocratic Con indulged in group hysteria over selection of our first semi-black candidate, who will do exactly what his white owners demand. This amounts to positive change in a population reduced to finding progress in the look of a performer, while totally neglecting the substance of actual performance.
Meanwhile, the Theocratic party gang picked a previously unknown woman from Alaska for vice president, stressing the importance of whether the mens or ladyies room is used before the executive sends troops to their death. Should the Theocratic ticket somehow succeed - against all odds but given the dreadful nature of the Hypocrats, all things are possible - many may wish for a quick demise at the top so that this woman can take over and quickly bring down the entire facade of empire. While opposition hit teams dig up dirt and trash her character, she may turn out to be the closest thing to an average american in the entire multi billion dollar fiasco. She certainly believes in the penis bearing creator of all and everything, opposes abortion, shoots guns, supports the market, loves Israel and has a family. Perfect. She could take over tomorrow.
But seriously folks, as the old comics used to say, what can we do about a situation that gets crazier and more frightening even as mainstream mind shapers depict it as logical, democratic and sanity enhancing? More than ever, we need to question everything we are told by major media and our corporate government and to believe nothing until we are convinced by material evidence from sources we can trust. This means we should also question some of the gibberish that poses as independent media or online detective work, since many of the stories carried are on a par with the science fiction and fantasy we are given by our main stream consciousness corporadoes. Be critical and skeptical of all, and if you haven't the time to investigate, find someone you trust who has the time. And then continue being careful and critical of that source.
This government is a tragedy but it will be followed by one that is as tragic in that it will support the system with only cosmetic changes that may please some sectors - temporarily - while destroying others. Which is exactly what we are doing now, and have done for far too long. It is fast coming to a point at which we, and all inhabitants of the planet will have to act as though it’s all of us or none of us. And in the words of Rosa Luxemburg in the 20th century, echoed by Hugo Chavez, Evo Morales and growing numbers around the world in the 21st, we will face a choice: socialism or barbarism.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Palin Haters Making Her a Hero
Liberals never learn. Having forgotten their hysterical claims that Bush would revive the draft and repeal Roe v. Wade if given a second term in office, they are now wetting their pants over the "threat" of censorship emanating from Sarah Palin. It's funny how they didn't protest in recent months when Amazon banned Michael Hoffman's book critical of Judaism. There's nothing like selective morality to keep the barf-o-meter at high nausea.
The surge in Iraq has "succeeded beyond our wildest expectations,"crows Obama, to the resounding silence of the liberals, who prefer to imagine him as an anti-war candidate, even as he fellates the Israel lobby and promises to slaughter more Afghans while celebrating our "triumph" in Iraq. This has to be the peace "that passeth understanding."
With their usual boundless stupidity, the Democrats are turning Palin into a hero with their condescending criticism of her beliefs and lack of qualifications for high office, as though Bush hadn't demonstrated for all time that the country can have, not a vice-president, but a president, who is an absolute moron. This little detail seems to have slipped by Charlie Gibson.
By the way, has Gibson forgotten the subtle and sophisticated Democratic statecraft that turned Vietnam into a land of wreck and ruin? Thanks to the finer understanding of the world possessed by JFK's "Best and Brightest," the U.S. dropped eight million tons of bombs and almost 400,000 tons of napalm there, leaving behind twenty-one million bomb craters. It killed over two million Cambodians, Vietnamese, and Laotians, wounded over three million more, and scattered fourteen million traumatized refugees throughout Indochina. It rained down 18 million gallons of Agent Orange and other defoliants, leaving forests bereft of trees, animals, or birds, and cursing Vietnam with extraordinary rates of liver cancer, miscarriages, stillbirths, and birth defects. Vietnamese mothers are still giving birth to mutant babies. Ho hum. The war grinds on.
Thank God the corporate media overlooks such trivialities, focusing on the real issues. For example this is sample criticism of Palin from the New York Times:
"...Mr. Palin was arrested 22 years ago on a drunken-driving charge..."
This horrifying revelation no doubt has left millions of high minded liberals ready to renounce their citizenship. Even worse, Palin's teenage daughter was impregnated and - gasp - didn't have an abortion. What is this world coming to?
We've seen this routine before, as when Teresa Heinz-Kerry looked down her nose at Laura Bush for being a mere librarian and housewife. Shocking though it is, millions of women find no shame in either occupation and persist in the peculiar belief that raising one's own children is preferable to paying someone else to do it while climbing the corporate ladder. There's just no accounting for taste.
The question which arises from all this nonsense has nothing to do with Sarah Palin, to wit: Are liberals qualified to make intelligent political judgments? Apparently not. There is no constitutional requirement to have a thick resume in order to become vice-president. Furthermore, there is no non-political way to select candidates for high office and Democrats make explicitly political judgments in appointing candidates to high office all the time. How else do you suppose we ended up with government of the rich, by the rich, and for the rich? Because the rich are most qualified to rule? Please.
Furthermore, Joe Biden's long resume didn't prevent him from cheerleading for the invasion of Iraq from his chairmanship of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, a disastrous decision that has killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people. And now this seasoned veteran has the nerve to brown-nose Obama by saying that Obama's vantage point from outside of the federal government may have given him the extraordinary insight that the invasion was not a good idea. Oh really? Then why did Admiral Shanahan and General Zinni and members of the U.S. intelligence community take out a full page ad in the New York Times warning that a war with Iraq would destabilize the Middle East, increase terrorism, invite blowback on the U.S., and waste resources essential to the U.S. economy? Were they outside the federal government too? And if they could see what was coming, why didn't Biden? Recall that Palin is faulted for not having given much thought to Iraq. Compared to what Biden has done, how bad is that?
By the way, if being outside the Beltway improves one's political judgment, shouldn't that count in Palin's favor? In Alaska she's about as far away from Washington as one can get. If that improves one's political insight, she should be among the smartest political minds in the country.
Turning to sex education, Sarah Palin is far from the only politician to preach abstinence. Bill Clinton did it regularly when he was president, lecturing black teens on the wisdom of sexual restraint, an amazing display of chutzpah given his own predilections. And so successful was Clinton in concocting a Blow Job Defense that millions of teens took to heart his theory that fellatio is not really sex and indulged themselves with what they took to be a presidential pardon. No one has accused Palin of anything like the sleazy sexual offenses committed by Bill Clinton, including routinely blackmailing his conquests, and Clinton is a much-celebrated elder statesman. What's good for the goose should be good for the gander.
Revealingly, Charlie Gibson did not correct the most serious error Palin made in her interview with him, namely, that Iranian Prime Minister Ahmadinejad had claimed that Israel as a "stinking corpse, should be wiped off the face of the earth." Why anyone would want to attack a corpse was left unexplained by both parties, nor did Gibson bother to point out that what Ahmadinejad actually said was that Israel would "vanish from the page of time," as corpses habitually do. In short, it was a prediction, not a threat of destruction. But on this, as on all crucial matters, the two parties have very little to distinguish them.
The so-called Red state dummies have met their match in the idiot liberals. May the dumbest shit win?
Sources:
Michael Parenti, "The Sword And The Dollar - Imperialism, Revolution, And The Arms Race," (St. Martin's, 1989) p. 44 (for statistics on Vietnam)
"Iraqi surge exceeded expectations, Obama says," Associated Press, September 4, 2008,
BBC News, June 14, 2004, "Vietnam's war against Agent Orange," http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3798581.stm
Noam Chomsky and Edward S. Herman, "After the Cataclysm - Postwar Indochina & The Reconstruction of Imperial Ideology," (South End, 1979) pp. 7-9
Alexander Cockburn, "Panic!" September 13-14, 2008, www.counterpunch.org
The surge in Iraq has "succeeded beyond our wildest expectations,"crows Obama, to the resounding silence of the liberals, who prefer to imagine him as an anti-war candidate, even as he fellates the Israel lobby and promises to slaughter more Afghans while celebrating our "triumph" in Iraq. This has to be the peace "that passeth understanding."
With their usual boundless stupidity, the Democrats are turning Palin into a hero with their condescending criticism of her beliefs and lack of qualifications for high office, as though Bush hadn't demonstrated for all time that the country can have, not a vice-president, but a president, who is an absolute moron. This little detail seems to have slipped by Charlie Gibson.
By the way, has Gibson forgotten the subtle and sophisticated Democratic statecraft that turned Vietnam into a land of wreck and ruin? Thanks to the finer understanding of the world possessed by JFK's "Best and Brightest," the U.S. dropped eight million tons of bombs and almost 400,000 tons of napalm there, leaving behind twenty-one million bomb craters. It killed over two million Cambodians, Vietnamese, and Laotians, wounded over three million more, and scattered fourteen million traumatized refugees throughout Indochina. It rained down 18 million gallons of Agent Orange and other defoliants, leaving forests bereft of trees, animals, or birds, and cursing Vietnam with extraordinary rates of liver cancer, miscarriages, stillbirths, and birth defects. Vietnamese mothers are still giving birth to mutant babies. Ho hum. The war grinds on.
Thank God the corporate media overlooks such trivialities, focusing on the real issues. For example this is sample criticism of Palin from the New York Times:
"...Mr. Palin was arrested 22 years ago on a drunken-driving charge..."
This horrifying revelation no doubt has left millions of high minded liberals ready to renounce their citizenship. Even worse, Palin's teenage daughter was impregnated and - gasp - didn't have an abortion. What is this world coming to?
We've seen this routine before, as when Teresa Heinz-Kerry looked down her nose at Laura Bush for being a mere librarian and housewife. Shocking though it is, millions of women find no shame in either occupation and persist in the peculiar belief that raising one's own children is preferable to paying someone else to do it while climbing the corporate ladder. There's just no accounting for taste.
The question which arises from all this nonsense has nothing to do with Sarah Palin, to wit: Are liberals qualified to make intelligent political judgments? Apparently not. There is no constitutional requirement to have a thick resume in order to become vice-president. Furthermore, there is no non-political way to select candidates for high office and Democrats make explicitly political judgments in appointing candidates to high office all the time. How else do you suppose we ended up with government of the rich, by the rich, and for the rich? Because the rich are most qualified to rule? Please.
Furthermore, Joe Biden's long resume didn't prevent him from cheerleading for the invasion of Iraq from his chairmanship of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, a disastrous decision that has killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people. And now this seasoned veteran has the nerve to brown-nose Obama by saying that Obama's vantage point from outside of the federal government may have given him the extraordinary insight that the invasion was not a good idea. Oh really? Then why did Admiral Shanahan and General Zinni and members of the U.S. intelligence community take out a full page ad in the New York Times warning that a war with Iraq would destabilize the Middle East, increase terrorism, invite blowback on the U.S., and waste resources essential to the U.S. economy? Were they outside the federal government too? And if they could see what was coming, why didn't Biden? Recall that Palin is faulted for not having given much thought to Iraq. Compared to what Biden has done, how bad is that?
By the way, if being outside the Beltway improves one's political judgment, shouldn't that count in Palin's favor? In Alaska she's about as far away from Washington as one can get. If that improves one's political insight, she should be among the smartest political minds in the country.
Turning to sex education, Sarah Palin is far from the only politician to preach abstinence. Bill Clinton did it regularly when he was president, lecturing black teens on the wisdom of sexual restraint, an amazing display of chutzpah given his own predilections. And so successful was Clinton in concocting a Blow Job Defense that millions of teens took to heart his theory that fellatio is not really sex and indulged themselves with what they took to be a presidential pardon. No one has accused Palin of anything like the sleazy sexual offenses committed by Bill Clinton, including routinely blackmailing his conquests, and Clinton is a much-celebrated elder statesman. What's good for the goose should be good for the gander.
Revealingly, Charlie Gibson did not correct the most serious error Palin made in her interview with him, namely, that Iranian Prime Minister Ahmadinejad had claimed that Israel as a "stinking corpse, should be wiped off the face of the earth." Why anyone would want to attack a corpse was left unexplained by both parties, nor did Gibson bother to point out that what Ahmadinejad actually said was that Israel would "vanish from the page of time," as corpses habitually do. In short, it was a prediction, not a threat of destruction. But on this, as on all crucial matters, the two parties have very little to distinguish them.
The so-called Red state dummies have met their match in the idiot liberals. May the dumbest shit win?
Sources:
Michael Parenti, "The Sword And The Dollar - Imperialism, Revolution, And The Arms Race," (St. Martin's, 1989) p. 44 (for statistics on Vietnam)
"Iraqi surge exceeded expectations, Obama says," Associated Press, September 4, 2008,
BBC News, June 14, 2004, "Vietnam's war against Agent Orange," http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3798581.stm
Noam Chomsky and Edward S. Herman, "After the Cataclysm - Postwar Indochina & The Reconstruction of Imperial Ideology," (South End, 1979) pp. 7-9
Alexander Cockburn, "Panic!" September 13-14, 2008, www.counterpunch.org
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Headline News From a Rational Empire
McCain decries Obama's "inexperience," says America needs a "tough leader" who knows how to get shot out of the sky and be captured by the enemy. Obama agrees, promises to spend remaining months of campaign being tortured by Al Qaeda.
Tegucigalpa joins Bolivarian Alternative for the Americas. IMF condemns Venezuela for "meddling in the internal affairs" of Honduras, promises to cut off credit to any country questioning its "freedom and independence" under Washington's control.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez calls on Catholics to embrace socialism in the name of Christ. "'If you love me, feed my sheep'" calls for a life of sharing, not greed," insists Chavez. U.S. Embassy in Caracas expresses regret at Chavez's "mental problems," insists Sermon on the Mount is a blueprint for neo-liberalism. "Christ was the greatest advertising genius in history," said embassy spokesman Max Gaines. "He sold his salvation scheme to millions of people all over the world."
Kidnapping and sale of Guatemalan babies continues to soar. Wall Street praises the "magic of the marketplace" in reconciling supply and demand for the benefit of all.
Center for Science in the Jewish Interest announces that Palestinians have terrorist genes, calls for DNA cleansing in medical concentration camps. Euphoric Elie Wiesel hails new era of "anti-genocide."
Women for a Spineless Majority praise Oprah for praising Obama, shriek ecstatically at Illinois senator's genius for locating Democrats'"political G-spot."
No One Killed in Iraq Today, but Several Die of Old Age Waiting for Democrats' "New Ideas" To Materialize. "I've been waiting since Gary Hart," said 88 year-old Antonio Farkas of Mobile Alabama, moments before suffering a fatal brain hemmorrhage while listening to Obama intone the word "change" 93 times in four minutes.
Obama insists he is "ready to lead," vows to nuke Iran "in three seconds" if mullahs don't endorse Israel's right to run their country. McCain condemns three-second delay as "support for terrorism."
Congressman Tom Tancredo calls for border wall in Hispanic wombs. "With 45 million Hispanics in the country already, we have to stop more illegals before they get here," says the Colorado House member. Asked if such a policy wouldn't constitute genocide, Tancredo replied, "we have to preserve American culture and values."
Prison firm Wackenhut to begin building schools. Steven Cage, Wackenhut CEO, pronounces company's fortress-like designs ideal architecture for America's urban sinkholes. "Rather than send kids to jail when they're 18, we'll build the prison around them when they're five or six. It eliminates one process." Critics decry waste of young lives, urge company to change its name to "Wackenoff."
Gallup poll reveals 76% of Americans reject "handicapped," "crippled," and "differently abled" as labels for people with mental or physical injuries. 98% favor "differently crippled" label be applied to entire U.S. population. Government rejects term as "too accurate," offers tax cuts to people who stop thinking and watch more T.V.
Fecal contamination of U.S. currency traced to Treasury Department report revealing that toilet paper is more valuable than U.S. dollar. Toilet paper stock plunges. Wall Street sues government for unfair competition.
Mass apathy at corporately cloned candidates produces widespread hilarity at claim "this year's election is the most important in history." Organizers pronounce Vote Or Die campaign a bust, call for NRA to take over voter registration drive under new banner: "Vote, or else!" Mass apathy at ObaMcCaina continues.
Supreme Court rejects claim that apartheid public school system is result of "unintelligent design," insists "shit happens" sufficiently accounts for starkly racialized outcomes reminiscent of Jim Crow era.
Press reports that the fact that McCain denies having asserted that Obama's refusal to countenance having affirmed his previous denial of McCain's refutation of his original position on ingrown toenails among bisexual eskimos is evidence that "quality investigative journalism" is alive and well.
Tegucigalpa joins Bolivarian Alternative for the Americas. IMF condemns Venezuela for "meddling in the internal affairs" of Honduras, promises to cut off credit to any country questioning its "freedom and independence" under Washington's control.
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez calls on Catholics to embrace socialism in the name of Christ. "'If you love me, feed my sheep'" calls for a life of sharing, not greed," insists Chavez. U.S. Embassy in Caracas expresses regret at Chavez's "mental problems," insists Sermon on the Mount is a blueprint for neo-liberalism. "Christ was the greatest advertising genius in history," said embassy spokesman Max Gaines. "He sold his salvation scheme to millions of people all over the world."
Kidnapping and sale of Guatemalan babies continues to soar. Wall Street praises the "magic of the marketplace" in reconciling supply and demand for the benefit of all.
Center for Science in the Jewish Interest announces that Palestinians have terrorist genes, calls for DNA cleansing in medical concentration camps. Euphoric Elie Wiesel hails new era of "anti-genocide."
Women for a Spineless Majority praise Oprah for praising Obama, shriek ecstatically at Illinois senator's genius for locating Democrats'"political G-spot."
No One Killed in Iraq Today, but Several Die of Old Age Waiting for Democrats' "New Ideas" To Materialize. "I've been waiting since Gary Hart," said 88 year-old Antonio Farkas of Mobile Alabama, moments before suffering a fatal brain hemmorrhage while listening to Obama intone the word "change" 93 times in four minutes.
Obama insists he is "ready to lead," vows to nuke Iran "in three seconds" if mullahs don't endorse Israel's right to run their country. McCain condemns three-second delay as "support for terrorism."
Congressman Tom Tancredo calls for border wall in Hispanic wombs. "With 45 million Hispanics in the country already, we have to stop more illegals before they get here," says the Colorado House member. Asked if such a policy wouldn't constitute genocide, Tancredo replied, "we have to preserve American culture and values."
Prison firm Wackenhut to begin building schools. Steven Cage, Wackenhut CEO, pronounces company's fortress-like designs ideal architecture for America's urban sinkholes. "Rather than send kids to jail when they're 18, we'll build the prison around them when they're five or six. It eliminates one process." Critics decry waste of young lives, urge company to change its name to "Wackenoff."
Gallup poll reveals 76% of Americans reject "handicapped," "crippled," and "differently abled" as labels for people with mental or physical injuries. 98% favor "differently crippled" label be applied to entire U.S. population. Government rejects term as "too accurate," offers tax cuts to people who stop thinking and watch more T.V.
Fecal contamination of U.S. currency traced to Treasury Department report revealing that toilet paper is more valuable than U.S. dollar. Toilet paper stock plunges. Wall Street sues government for unfair competition.
Mass apathy at corporately cloned candidates produces widespread hilarity at claim "this year's election is the most important in history." Organizers pronounce Vote Or Die campaign a bust, call for NRA to take over voter registration drive under new banner: "Vote, or else!" Mass apathy at ObaMcCaina continues.
Supreme Court rejects claim that apartheid public school system is result of "unintelligent design," insists "shit happens" sufficiently accounts for starkly racialized outcomes reminiscent of Jim Crow era.
Press reports that the fact that McCain denies having asserted that Obama's refusal to countenance having affirmed his previous denial of McCain's refutation of his original position on ingrown toenails among bisexual eskimos is evidence that "quality investigative journalism" is alive and well.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
CONVENTIONAL BULLETINS!
Dalai Lama, Bush, Congress, Brittany Spears, PETA and New York Yankees Vow Not to Watch Democratic Convention Until Democrats Stop Experimenting on Animals and End Genocide in Darfur, Iraq, Afghanistan , Georgia and all those other places.
TV Executives Sue Dalai Lama, Bush, Congress, Brittany Spears, PETA and San Francisco 49ers for Potential Defamation of Ratings.
Law Suit Replaces Yankees with 49ers because “San Francisco’s a smaller market ; we can’t afford to lose New York”
Biden’s Spellbinding Speech Begins
Democrats approach group orgasm after keynote address by Mrs. Obama. “ I loved when she said she loved America. It just made all of this worthwhile, you know?” said a Clinton delegate. “ This is what we’ve all been waiting for. We needed to hear that.”
All doubts about Michele Obama’s patriotism now having ended, Democrats feel victory in the air.
Biden Speech Continues
Mass rioting outside convention, mass partying inside, mass hysteria among pundits, mass confusion in Denver.
Biden Continues Speaking during breakfast, lunch and dinner breaks.
The Democratic Party Study group released a study indicating that hard working americans are having a hard time finding work to be hard at work at. “This seems to have something to do with the economy and the business cycle, which is currently in a bust mode, which usually precedes a boom mode, though the last bust was just before this bust, indicating that there is a trend towards busting the boom bust syndrome”, said the center director. “We will continue following this trend and report our further findings as soon as the check clears and the convention ends.”
Excited democrats pointed out that recent polls indicate the president has the lowest approval ratings of any president in history, but also show that a higher percentage of people have no idea who he is. “ Actually, i forgot his name. i thought the other guy was elected but i guess it’s still whatsisname?”
According to several party officials from the character assassination team, Senator McCain was alleged to have said he thought the Missile Screen around Poland was a new Polish joke, but he denied the charge and said he advocated more severe steps be taken against the Russian genocidal attack on the freedom loving innocent people of Ostentatia. “The ostentatious people need our support right now, not after Senator Obama takes office.” Corrected about his error, he said he would cancel his campaign in order to meet with president Sasquatch of Georgia - after his wife distributed beauty aids and foundation cream to Georgian women - to plan a counter attack . When asked where he would advise attacking, the senator said “ it’s one or two of those countries, check with my staff.”
When asked to comment on McCain’s comment, Senator Obama commented “ this is not a time when...uh...we should be divisive or...uh...rattling sabers...this is a time to come together as americans who cherish our god, our families and our freedoms and stand together as never before, with one voice and one viewpoint, that of working middle class multi racial gun owning god loving people united in getting our troops redeployed from Iraq to..uh...Afghanistan”
Biden fed intravenously, continues talking through speeches by Hillary, Bill, Barack, promises to finish before Shadrach Meshac and Appendigo arrive
Hillary repeatedly brings convention audience to its feet, electric shocks sited as cause by republican critics.
An anonymous delegate said “She was just so incredible. I never thought she’d endorse Obama. Weren’t you surprised that she didn't endorse McCain? This is so exciting and unexpected. What next? Who do you think will be nominated for president? Isn't this the most thrilling thing ever, or at least since American Idol? Last week?”
Obama’s acceptance speech brings mass orgasmic reaction
Grief counselors summoned for feminist supporters of Clinton
Obama throngs speak in tongues, freak out, weep tears of joy, experience multiple and repeated orgasms and generally Act Up. “ “This was the greatest speech since Christ’s sermon on the mount, or Marc Anthony’s defense of Caesar, or Bret Favre’s tearful retirement speech, the one last week. I’m so thrilled that i can hardly speak” said Marcel Marceau, one of numerous global supporters of renewed war in Afghanistan.
Biden continued speaking as the convention ended.
TV Executives Sue Dalai Lama, Bush, Congress, Brittany Spears, PETA and San Francisco 49ers for Potential Defamation of Ratings.
Law Suit Replaces Yankees with 49ers because “San Francisco’s a smaller market ; we can’t afford to lose New York”
Biden’s Spellbinding Speech Begins
Democrats approach group orgasm after keynote address by Mrs. Obama. “ I loved when she said she loved America. It just made all of this worthwhile, you know?” said a Clinton delegate. “ This is what we’ve all been waiting for. We needed to hear that.”
All doubts about Michele Obama’s patriotism now having ended, Democrats feel victory in the air.
Biden Speech Continues
Mass rioting outside convention, mass partying inside, mass hysteria among pundits, mass confusion in Denver.
Biden Continues Speaking during breakfast, lunch and dinner breaks.
The Democratic Party Study group released a study indicating that hard working americans are having a hard time finding work to be hard at work at. “This seems to have something to do with the economy and the business cycle, which is currently in a bust mode, which usually precedes a boom mode, though the last bust was just before this bust, indicating that there is a trend towards busting the boom bust syndrome”, said the center director. “We will continue following this trend and report our further findings as soon as the check clears and the convention ends.”
Excited democrats pointed out that recent polls indicate the president has the lowest approval ratings of any president in history, but also show that a higher percentage of people have no idea who he is. “ Actually, i forgot his name. i thought the other guy was elected but i guess it’s still whatsisname?”
According to several party officials from the character assassination team, Senator McCain was alleged to have said he thought the Missile Screen around Poland was a new Polish joke, but he denied the charge and said he advocated more severe steps be taken against the Russian genocidal attack on the freedom loving innocent people of Ostentatia. “The ostentatious people need our support right now, not after Senator Obama takes office.” Corrected about his error, he said he would cancel his campaign in order to meet with president Sasquatch of Georgia - after his wife distributed beauty aids and foundation cream to Georgian women - to plan a counter attack . When asked where he would advise attacking, the senator said “ it’s one or two of those countries, check with my staff.”
When asked to comment on McCain’s comment, Senator Obama commented “ this is not a time when...uh...we should be divisive or...uh...rattling sabers...this is a time to come together as americans who cherish our god, our families and our freedoms and stand together as never before, with one voice and one viewpoint, that of working middle class multi racial gun owning god loving people united in getting our troops redeployed from Iraq to..uh...Afghanistan”
Biden fed intravenously, continues talking through speeches by Hillary, Bill, Barack, promises to finish before Shadrach Meshac and Appendigo arrive
Hillary repeatedly brings convention audience to its feet, electric shocks sited as cause by republican critics.
An anonymous delegate said “She was just so incredible. I never thought she’d endorse Obama. Weren’t you surprised that she didn't endorse McCain? This is so exciting and unexpected. What next? Who do you think will be nominated for president? Isn't this the most thrilling thing ever, or at least since American Idol? Last week?”
Obama’s acceptance speech brings mass orgasmic reaction
Grief counselors summoned for feminist supporters of Clinton
Obama throngs speak in tongues, freak out, weep tears of joy, experience multiple and repeated orgasms and generally Act Up. “ “This was the greatest speech since Christ’s sermon on the mount, or Marc Anthony’s defense of Caesar, or Bret Favre’s tearful retirement speech, the one last week. I’m so thrilled that i can hardly speak” said Marcel Marceau, one of numerous global supporters of renewed war in Afghanistan.
Biden continued speaking as the convention ended.
America: Zionist Colony
“ The zionist power configuration’s primary loyalty is to the state of Israel and its policy is designed to colonize the US congress... to the benefit of the ‘mother country’, Israel ”
James Petras
Petras addresses a problem rarely discussed, except in whispers ; unquestioned support for Israel . He mentions congress, but the executive has also been “colonized”. Major party candidates, whether bowing before the American Israel lobby in Washington or praying before the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, are evidence enough. The dominance of this “Zionist Power Configuration” is a very serious problem for Americans who remain generally unaware of its existence.
That power bloc has great control of government and media as well, and its political organizations bring enormous pressure on publications or individuals expressing criticism of Israel, quickly labeled anti -Semitism. If that criticism extends to questioning some aspects of the nazi persecution of jews, made even more horrible with constant repetition, they are labeled holocaust deniers. This heresy not only endangers individual freedoms, but the fate of nations , as the case of Ahmadinejad and Iran clearly shows.
America’s global position has establishment groups battling for control of foreign policy . Sectors of the old white anglo saxon protestant (WASP ) ruling class see dedication to the Jewish state endangering empire and are in a struggle with the newer Jewish power bloc. This clash of political mafias will hardly bring peace , but it has already brought out much about the previously unmentionable. Support for a colonial state that brutalizes its native population enough to shock survivors of South African apartheid can only continue with americans kept in complete ignorance.
Under a propaganda regime that depicts innocent Jews savageded by evil Palestinians, the U.S. massively finances and arms the Jewish state, while destroying other middle eastern countries on its behalf. Jewish persecution of Palestinians is somehow deemed acceptable because nazis persecuted jews. This illogical and morally degenerate policy has colonials settling where they believe they originated - with no evidence save mythology - and calling themselves semitic natives, while the semitic people who’ve lived there for centuries are expelled, made refugees , and called anti-semite terrorists when they resist.
This would be the ultimate black comedy if it were not so dangerous to all humanity. Israel is run by some seriously disturbed people ; we are not dealing with an individual nut case waving an ax, but with leaders of a state waving nuclear weapons - which nobody is supposed to know they have - and motivated by a cultural narrative which has it that everyone not jewish is ultimately dedicated to murdering everyone who is jewish .
A long history of suffering , both real and legendary , culminated in the dreadful nazi treatment of Jews in the 20th century, a terrible event that has become the fundamentalist holocaust religion. Its existential notion of pending doom has created a movement to destroy critics of any tenets of the faith. Such “thought crimes” can lead to social ostracism, professional failure and prison . For the zionists, the Jewish holocaust religion and the Jewish secular state are joined in necessity and meaning; one does not exist without the other, making it all the more difficult for reason, humanity or democracy to function when dealing with such contradictory fundamentalism .
The Zionist movement originating in a 19th century desire for a national jewish homeland has evolved into a belief that biblical mythology “proves” European jewish origins in Palestine. Religious freedom allows belief in any imaterialism we wish, even that the tooth fairy is responsible for modern dentistry. But when such mythology becomes the foundation for national policy, we are lowered to the mental status of primitive apes, but physically wielding nuclear weapons of mass destruction and not harmless war clubs.
How can americans tolerate this in the midst of a severe economic crisis and while carrying a colossal and growing debt which can never be paid? Only under mind management that convinces us all our problems originate outside America, and that Israel is our most important ally . An individual believing such nonsense would be judged insane and institutionalized. Our society is programed to treat delusions as real, lies as the truth, and psychotic behavior as evidence of mental health .
Once the Zionists achieved the destruction of Iraq their focus became Iran, with the most incredible claims fed to a public about that nation’s leader and policies. Ahmadinejad, having sinned against the holocaust religion by hosting a conference on that untouchable topic, has been transformed into a demonic monster who threatens Americans and Jews everywhere. He is called a nuclear madman who will exterminate Israel, based on a repeatedly twisted quote and oblivious of the facts of thousands of jews living quite well in Iran. But the zionist bloc brings us closer to war, writing belligerent legislation aimed at Iran and getting it rubber stamped by hundreds of its colony in the American, not Israeli, congress.
Tales of the Iranian threat stem from the same feverish source of psychotic fears and supernatural beliefs that transform Israel from a nightmare for Palestinians into a theme park for Jews . It is more vital then ever that we put a stop to this madness, but electing a new member of the colonized population to the presidency, whether in the USA or Palestine, will not make a substantial difference. Rather than minor change at the top , we need major democratic action by the whole population for a peaceful solution.
The colonization of American government will only end with creation of a real fifty state democracy in the U.S.A. , which could help bring about a real one state democracy in Palestine. Unfortunately, anything less will mean much more pain and suffering, possibly of epic proportions. And not only in Palestine, and not only for Jews.
Copyright (c) 2008 by Frank Scott. All rights reserved.
This text may be used and shared in accordance with the
fair-use provisions of U.S. copyright law, and it may be
archived and redistributed in electronic form, provided that
the author is notified and no fee is charged for access.
Archiving, redistribution, or republication of this text on
other terms, in any medium, requires the consent of the author
frank scott
email: frankscott@comcast.net
Frank Scott writes political commentary which appears in the Coastal Post, The Independent Monitor and on his shared blog at:
http://legalienate.blogspot.com
James Petras
Petras addresses a problem rarely discussed, except in whispers ; unquestioned support for Israel . He mentions congress, but the executive has also been “colonized”. Major party candidates, whether bowing before the American Israel lobby in Washington or praying before the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, are evidence enough. The dominance of this “Zionist Power Configuration” is a very serious problem for Americans who remain generally unaware of its existence.
That power bloc has great control of government and media as well, and its political organizations bring enormous pressure on publications or individuals expressing criticism of Israel, quickly labeled anti -Semitism. If that criticism extends to questioning some aspects of the nazi persecution of jews, made even more horrible with constant repetition, they are labeled holocaust deniers. This heresy not only endangers individual freedoms, but the fate of nations , as the case of Ahmadinejad and Iran clearly shows.
America’s global position has establishment groups battling for control of foreign policy . Sectors of the old white anglo saxon protestant (WASP ) ruling class see dedication to the Jewish state endangering empire and are in a struggle with the newer Jewish power bloc. This clash of political mafias will hardly bring peace , but it has already brought out much about the previously unmentionable. Support for a colonial state that brutalizes its native population enough to shock survivors of South African apartheid can only continue with americans kept in complete ignorance.
Under a propaganda regime that depicts innocent Jews savageded by evil Palestinians, the U.S. massively finances and arms the Jewish state, while destroying other middle eastern countries on its behalf. Jewish persecution of Palestinians is somehow deemed acceptable because nazis persecuted jews. This illogical and morally degenerate policy has colonials settling where they believe they originated - with no evidence save mythology - and calling themselves semitic natives, while the semitic people who’ve lived there for centuries are expelled, made refugees , and called anti-semite terrorists when they resist.
This would be the ultimate black comedy if it were not so dangerous to all humanity. Israel is run by some seriously disturbed people ; we are not dealing with an individual nut case waving an ax, but with leaders of a state waving nuclear weapons - which nobody is supposed to know they have - and motivated by a cultural narrative which has it that everyone not jewish is ultimately dedicated to murdering everyone who is jewish .
A long history of suffering , both real and legendary , culminated in the dreadful nazi treatment of Jews in the 20th century, a terrible event that has become the fundamentalist holocaust religion. Its existential notion of pending doom has created a movement to destroy critics of any tenets of the faith. Such “thought crimes” can lead to social ostracism, professional failure and prison . For the zionists, the Jewish holocaust religion and the Jewish secular state are joined in necessity and meaning; one does not exist without the other, making it all the more difficult for reason, humanity or democracy to function when dealing with such contradictory fundamentalism .
The Zionist movement originating in a 19th century desire for a national jewish homeland has evolved into a belief that biblical mythology “proves” European jewish origins in Palestine. Religious freedom allows belief in any imaterialism we wish, even that the tooth fairy is responsible for modern dentistry. But when such mythology becomes the foundation for national policy, we are lowered to the mental status of primitive apes, but physically wielding nuclear weapons of mass destruction and not harmless war clubs.
How can americans tolerate this in the midst of a severe economic crisis and while carrying a colossal and growing debt which can never be paid? Only under mind management that convinces us all our problems originate outside America, and that Israel is our most important ally . An individual believing such nonsense would be judged insane and institutionalized. Our society is programed to treat delusions as real, lies as the truth, and psychotic behavior as evidence of mental health .
Once the Zionists achieved the destruction of Iraq their focus became Iran, with the most incredible claims fed to a public about that nation’s leader and policies. Ahmadinejad, having sinned against the holocaust religion by hosting a conference on that untouchable topic, has been transformed into a demonic monster who threatens Americans and Jews everywhere. He is called a nuclear madman who will exterminate Israel, based on a repeatedly twisted quote and oblivious of the facts of thousands of jews living quite well in Iran. But the zionist bloc brings us closer to war, writing belligerent legislation aimed at Iran and getting it rubber stamped by hundreds of its colony in the American, not Israeli, congress.
Tales of the Iranian threat stem from the same feverish source of psychotic fears and supernatural beliefs that transform Israel from a nightmare for Palestinians into a theme park for Jews . It is more vital then ever that we put a stop to this madness, but electing a new member of the colonized population to the presidency, whether in the USA or Palestine, will not make a substantial difference. Rather than minor change at the top , we need major democratic action by the whole population for a peaceful solution.
The colonization of American government will only end with creation of a real fifty state democracy in the U.S.A. , which could help bring about a real one state democracy in Palestine. Unfortunately, anything less will mean much more pain and suffering, possibly of epic proportions. And not only in Palestine, and not only for Jews.
Copyright (c) 2008 by Frank Scott. All rights reserved.
This text may be used and shared in accordance with the
fair-use provisions of U.S. copyright law, and it may be
archived and redistributed in electronic form, provided that
the author is notified and no fee is charged for access.
Archiving, redistribution, or republication of this text on
other terms, in any medium, requires the consent of the author
frank scott
email: frankscott@comcast.net
Frank Scott writes political commentary which appears in the Coastal Post, The Independent Monitor and on his shared blog at:
http://legalienate.blogspot.com
Friday, August 15, 2008
CAMPAIGN BULLETINS!
Obama Accused of Playing Race Card
McCain Retaliates With Joker
Pundits Claim Mixed Deal
Nation Folds
“Why does he have to act like he’s different? Why can’t he be like all the other white candidates in history?” said Senator John McCain . “We both have white mothers, so what’s the big deal? And furthermore I got a correspondence school masters degree in Ebonics while I was recovering from those nearly endless torture sessions in my Vietnamese Gulag, so he don’t be the only brutha in this race, know what ahm sayin”?
Karl Rove was asked to comment on McCain’s comment and he commented “ yo, whuss up wit datt? he be flip floppin steada hip hoppin? ”
The NAACP threatened a hate speech law suit against McCain and Rove but Obama urged against bringing race into the campaign.
“ This skinny kid with the light skin and the funny name, about to be changed in a way our white friends can believe in, need not stoop to the depths of the politics which have brought us all to a place in which we may never be able to live as a nation of one people, tearing down barriers that separate us and walls that divide us, except in Palestine, and extending the hand of white brotherhood, white sisterhood, white gay marriagehood and white neighborhood to one and all in order to say, Free at Last?Just Do It? Yes We Can!
Obama to Honor Irrational and Racist Fear of Islam
The Obama campaign is in process of creating a new middle name for the Senator, since Hussein seems to really disturb Islamophobes and other racists , while making members of AIPAC extremely uncomfortable. In the interest of creating a comfort zone for his Jewish supporters, early leads for a new middle name were :
Yitzak, Schmulka, Putzel, Schmendrich, Hymie and Schmuckler.
Jesse Jackson has advised against selecting Hymie .
He said “ I think Putzel or Schmuckler would work better.”
Countering the McCain campaign's use of celebrities like Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton in ads that implied Obama was simply a celebrity, the Obama Mind Massage Squad planned to introduce ads featuring the Three Stooges and Adam Sandler, implying that McCain was simply a moron. Advised that this could backfire, given that the the current president actually is a moron, a decision was made to stress physical and not mental differences, so long as they did not include race .
Obama Campaign Says Short Men Are Threat To Nation’s Future
McCain is short, Obama, in patriotic tradition, is tall. Pointing out that McCain - rhymes with insane! - is always photographed standing next to dwarfs, pygmies and twelve year old Secret service Agents, the Obama campaign will alert the nation to the danger of a short president.
“Never in our history have we been ruled by anything but tall men, and Obama is very tall, whereas McCain - rhymes with cocaine!- is very short and only made to appear tall enough, young enough and white enough to lead our country into the future”, said a tall campaign spokesman . “Look at the short guy in Russia and the other short guy in France. Do we want to wind up like them?
The McCain campaign immediately responded that Senator Obama - rhymes with Osama! - is actually endangering the nation’s future with his large ears, since a strong tail wind could blow him away and if that happened while he was president, then where would we be?
“People need to understand the real threat that Obama - rhymes with yo mama! - represents to all we hold dear on this earth, since he could take off at any moment and leave us to cope with things on our own. What kind of leadership would that be?” said a short campaign spokesperson, standing on a box in front of a group of preschool children .
McCain announces strong moves against Russia for Invading Georgia.
“My friends, we cannot stand by while our friends in Georgia are being murdered, genocided and ethnically cleansed by the Soviets, especially when they threaten Alabama and Mississippi as well, and if they get to Florida, our Cuban and Jewish friends will be in a terrible fix. We must take strong action now. I will not be drinking Vodka or eating sturgeon until the Soviets pull back!”
Advised of his geographic, historic and political mistakes and his ethnic paternalism concerning Cuban Americans and Jewish Americans, McCain said “ just kidding...this generation got soul...bom-bom-bom-bom-bom japan...heh heh heh”
Brett Favre tearfully retires from Jets, after tearfully retiring from Packers, and tearfully announces desire to be on McCain ticket as Vice Presidential candidate
McCain tearfully refuses Favre’s offer, says “he was the greatest fullback in history, but his running days are over.” Advised that Favre was a quarterback, McCain says “ I was never good with fractions. Only wimpy, light skinned kids with funny names were ever good with fractions.”
Ralph Nader and Cynthia McKinney expressed deep sadness that voters would be led to think these two were their only presidential choices.
McCain Retaliates With Joker
Pundits Claim Mixed Deal
Nation Folds
“Why does he have to act like he’s different? Why can’t he be like all the other white candidates in history?” said Senator John McCain . “We both have white mothers, so what’s the big deal? And furthermore I got a correspondence school masters degree in Ebonics while I was recovering from those nearly endless torture sessions in my Vietnamese Gulag, so he don’t be the only brutha in this race, know what ahm sayin”?
Karl Rove was asked to comment on McCain’s comment and he commented “ yo, whuss up wit datt? he be flip floppin steada hip hoppin? ”
The NAACP threatened a hate speech law suit against McCain and Rove but Obama urged against bringing race into the campaign.
“ This skinny kid with the light skin and the funny name, about to be changed in a way our white friends can believe in, need not stoop to the depths of the politics which have brought us all to a place in which we may never be able to live as a nation of one people, tearing down barriers that separate us and walls that divide us, except in Palestine, and extending the hand of white brotherhood, white sisterhood, white gay marriagehood and white neighborhood to one and all in order to say, Free at Last?Just Do It? Yes We Can!
Obama to Honor Irrational and Racist Fear of Islam
The Obama campaign is in process of creating a new middle name for the Senator, since Hussein seems to really disturb Islamophobes and other racists , while making members of AIPAC extremely uncomfortable. In the interest of creating a comfort zone for his Jewish supporters, early leads for a new middle name were :
Yitzak, Schmulka, Putzel, Schmendrich, Hymie and Schmuckler.
Jesse Jackson has advised against selecting Hymie .
He said “ I think Putzel or Schmuckler would work better.”
Countering the McCain campaign's use of celebrities like Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton in ads that implied Obama was simply a celebrity, the Obama Mind Massage Squad planned to introduce ads featuring the Three Stooges and Adam Sandler, implying that McCain was simply a moron. Advised that this could backfire, given that the the current president actually is a moron, a decision was made to stress physical and not mental differences, so long as they did not include race .
Obama Campaign Says Short Men Are Threat To Nation’s Future
McCain is short, Obama, in patriotic tradition, is tall. Pointing out that McCain - rhymes with insane! - is always photographed standing next to dwarfs, pygmies and twelve year old Secret service Agents, the Obama campaign will alert the nation to the danger of a short president.
“Never in our history have we been ruled by anything but tall men, and Obama is very tall, whereas McCain - rhymes with cocaine!- is very short and only made to appear tall enough, young enough and white enough to lead our country into the future”, said a tall campaign spokesman . “Look at the short guy in Russia and the other short guy in France. Do we want to wind up like them?
The McCain campaign immediately responded that Senator Obama - rhymes with Osama! - is actually endangering the nation’s future with his large ears, since a strong tail wind could blow him away and if that happened while he was president, then where would we be?
“People need to understand the real threat that Obama - rhymes with yo mama! - represents to all we hold dear on this earth, since he could take off at any moment and leave us to cope with things on our own. What kind of leadership would that be?” said a short campaign spokesperson, standing on a box in front of a group of preschool children .
McCain announces strong moves against Russia for Invading Georgia.
“My friends, we cannot stand by while our friends in Georgia are being murdered, genocided and ethnically cleansed by the Soviets, especially when they threaten Alabama and Mississippi as well, and if they get to Florida, our Cuban and Jewish friends will be in a terrible fix. We must take strong action now. I will not be drinking Vodka or eating sturgeon until the Soviets pull back!”
Advised of his geographic, historic and political mistakes and his ethnic paternalism concerning Cuban Americans and Jewish Americans, McCain said “ just kidding...this generation got soul...bom-bom-bom-bom-bom japan...heh heh heh”
Brett Favre tearfully retires from Jets, after tearfully retiring from Packers, and tearfully announces desire to be on McCain ticket as Vice Presidential candidate
McCain tearfully refuses Favre’s offer, says “he was the greatest fullback in history, but his running days are over.” Advised that Favre was a quarterback, McCain says “ I was never good with fractions. Only wimpy, light skinned kids with funny names were ever good with fractions.”
Ralph Nader and Cynthia McKinney expressed deep sadness that voters would be led to think these two were their only presidential choices.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)