Friday, May 7, 2010

Headlines From The Garlic

Terrorist Plots Uncovered by Dept. of Really Scary Things to Panic Public and Distract from Collapsing Capitalist System:

Oil Spills and Mining Disasters Caused By Taliban, Financed by Al Quaida and Applauded by Iran

Computer in Afghanistan Cave Causes Market Collapse

Ahmadinejad Behind Tea Parties, Arizona Law , Hezbollah, Hamas, Child Molesting and Puppy and Pussycat Torture

Osama Spits on Star of David, Defaces Crucifix, Threatens to Sodomize Dalai Lama

Terror Plan to Spread Chopped Beef on Veggies at Whole Foods

Late Breaking Bulletin!!!!

The Dept. of Really Really Serious Color Coded Threats at the Center for National Insecurity called for a Rainbow terrorist alert. An extremely very nervous spokesperson said:

“ There are so many threats at one time to so many Americans coming from so many terrorists using so many weapons that we haven't enough colors so we had to blend them together on this one. This is really really big folks. Turn off your tv or keep it on constantly, run your tap water and air conditioners and air purifiers and heating units and start praying even if you’re agnostic or atheist or pagan and prepare for something really devastating. Worse than any threat in the past that didn't happen. If this doesn't happen it will be even worse than the ones that didn’t happen before. Really. We’re not kidding this time. Really.”

stay tuned

No comments: