Bernard Madoff has demanded a new trial in which he can investigate himself in the moral and intellectual spirit of Israel's investigating its attack on Gaza Freedom Flotilla ships in international waters.
“ I dealt with many international investors, therefore I should have the right to judge whether they were ripped off or not.”
Goldman Sachs has found itself not guilty of any wrong doing in the financial marketing of derivatives and other mathematically speculative manipulations of the Wall Street casino.
“ We examined all the books closely and came to the conclusion that we were fair, above board and not guilty of anything ” said company spokesperson Benedict Arnold Ponzi
.
President Obama announced that there would be a full investigation of President Bush and Vice President Cheney . The investigation will be conducted by President Bush and Vice President Cheney.
Israel to allow more humanitarian goods into Gaza
The Jewish state announced that it would permit the people of Gaza more life sustaining materials as long as they were not usable for acts of terror. It will now allow Gaza to receive limited supplies of kreploch, pastrami, hamintosch , Levy’s Jewish Rye and Mogen David wine.
“They can have good jewish meals and no one can drink enough of that wine to get drunk on it and threaten to exterminate anything except their own digestive tract” said Menasha Pipick, director of the Jewish foreign policy agency, Meshuginah
Brand New Three State Solution proposed for Middle East
New York , California and Florida suggested as permanent home for Jews.
Palestinians and American realtors rejoice.
Zionist congress uncertain whether to charge anti-Semitism or praise philo-Semitism.
Main stream media asks ” what’s a philo-semite?”
The Department of Politically Correct Speech rules that:
illegal immigrants must be referred to as Undocumented Workers,
illegal drug dealers as Undocumented Pharmacists,
and illegal sex workers as Undocumented Sex Therapists.
And all those reduced to unemployment by the recession will be called Research Consultants or Freelance Entrepreneurs.
New state budgets cut social spending for hospitals, schools, libraries and other wasteful public institutions. Citizens are urged to patronize private businesses which offer needed goods and services like pet food, massage therapy, cosmetic surgery and golf lessons.
”We need to trim the fat and speed up our economic recovery ” said Governor Oligarch, chair of the Committee for Permanent Market Stability (PMS)
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