"You think we're so innocent?"
-------Donald J. Trump
We at Legalienate were deeply shocked to learn that our country's prospective next "Defense" Secretary (Pete Hegseth) is a philandering drunkard with a poor record at conducting organized bloodletting according to the rules. What is this world coming to when we can't count on our top officials to demonstrate squeaky clean personal conduct while leading us into highly ethical mass slaughters abroad that drain the national treasury and return our sons and daughters to us in body bags? Even when we conduct righteous massacres by proxy, to reduce our costs, what chance do we have to "Make America Great Again" if we can't have full moral confidence in the top leaders of the Pentagon's world-wide killing machine?
Equally alarming is the news that Hegseth may not believe women are equal to men in wholesale butchery according to the rules. What impact might this have on our overall fitness and willingness to engage in mass slaughter? Might it not undermine our national tradition (i.e., "greatness") of filling up graveyards with all those who get in the way of U.S.-based capitalism promoting a "favorable investment climate," most notably political activists, union organizers, whistleblowers, and environmentalists? One shudders at the mere thought of a loss of American resolve to plunder and murder with abandon.
A big shout out to Senator Markwayne Mullin (R-Oklahoma) for pointing out that his fellow Senators are just as guilty as Hegseth regarding infidelity and showing up to work drunk, so what's the big deal? We're all moral scum here, so enough already with grandstanding about ethics.
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